Thanks everyone

Thanks guys,

With all of you behind me, supporting me, I feel positive for the first time in years. It isn't since those early innocent days when I felt like this. Those days when I fully expected that I would get pregnant in a couple of months (surely I wouldn't need a year!) but now, almost three years later, I am almost at the point where I would be surprised if my period didn't come. A positive pregnancy test would throw me for six.

And this being my first 100mg clomid cycle, it is in some ways, like I am starting again. A new beginning with each new treatment. An increase of hope with each change of treatment.

Clomid is horrible in a few ways. Although I was lucky this time and didn't get hit with the huge emotional feelings (I did with the 50mg cycles (i did 3 of them), I burst into tears regularly at work), I did get incredible discomfort at Ovulation time where I could not sit still, I had to walk the pain off. I did feel bloated and my breasts were that sore I could hardly stand any clothes touching them.

Now I am 4dpo, and my temp rose again this morning. I can't tell myself this is a good sign because I know that this could be yet again another side effect of the clomid. I also have mild back pain, a tightening of my stomach, nausea, my breasts are still sore, I am peeing heaps, and I am really really tired. At 4dpo this can ONLY be the clomid. It is too early for this to be anything else. I mean, if and i said IF, I was pregnant, the fertilised egg would not even have implanted yet. It is too early for these to be pregancy symptoms.

Last night I was so tired, I went to bed at 8:30pm and slept right through to 6am this morning.

So anyway, that is my boring post. A post about nothing really other than the crap my body is feeling and a reminder not to misinterpret this as anything other than the effects of the clomid. I must not think about "what if?" or I may go completely mad.

If my period arrives, I must not fall so hard that I can't get back up. I have to remain strong and immune to hopeful feelings, while still remaining a little bit positive and not becoming at all negative.

But it's hard. Damn hard I tell you.