The love of my life

It has come to my attention that my darling husband is not a happy camper.

Last night he read my blog.

His first words after that "I am not impressed".

He said that I made him sound like an idiot.

So this is a note specifically addressing that.

My darling husband is not an idiot and if I have protrayed him as one in my Blog, then it was done so in error and definately not intended.

My darling husband is, quite truly, the love of my life.

When I met him I was at an all time low. I had spent the previous 10 years of my life working full time, doing Uni at night and caring for my parents.

In 1991 my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer "renal carcenoma" or kidney cancer. What followed was a terrible time in my life. The doctors thought he might have a chance if they removed the kidney. But he got too sick to do the operation and they feared he wouldn't survive it. We then got to a point where if he didn't have the kidney removed he would die, so they did it.

It was touch and go for a while, but he did recover. Then he did chemotherapy to make sure that they got it all. They told him he was in remission. He was so sick for months after that and when they checked again, the cancer had grown back, bigger and worse than before. I helped Mum care for him at home in the times I was not at Uni or work. August 15th 1991 he lost his battle and I lost my best friend. He was only 59 years old. I was by his side only minutes before and he waited until I had left the room for a minute before taking his last breath.

Mum and I were very close after that - my sister and my brothers having moved out of home, I was the only one left. I was only just emerging from my grief in the early parts of 1997 when my Mother was diagnosed with exactly the same thing - renal carcenoma. Her diagnosis was worse - it had already spread to her lungs. There was no chemo, no operation. Just "enjoy what time you have " they said.

It was hard - I had to take time off work, and luckily had just finished Uni. My sister moved back home and also took time off work. One of my brothers moved back in as well and the other one would come and sit with Mum during the night to give us a rest.

My brother took over the running of the house, cleaning, cooking etc, and my sister and I did everything we could to make Mum comfortable.

On December 6th 1997, my Mum lost her battle too and at the age of 27 I became an orphan. I had lost my two best friends. What I wouldn't give now to have them back.

I had bought a house early on when Mum was first diagnosed - more for her peace of mind that I would be okay than anything else. I moved into that house with my dog, and went back to work. Suddenly my life wasn't taken up with caring for someone else, working out morphine times and doses and listening out in case they needed me in the middle of the night. I felt so alone.

I fought depression for a while, but I am made of pretty strong stuff and I managed to keep it at bay. It was very hard though, to say the least.

In 1999 I was playing around on a web-chat site and just chatting to people. One person stood out and we got on really well. We started chatting regularly, emailing each other for a few months and finally we started chatting on the phone. At Easter 2000 we finally met and started dating.

We fell in love and on Valentines day 2001 (Feb 14th) at 2 minutes to midnight he proposed to me.

We married October 20th 2001 and he truly is the love of my life.

He is smart, intelligent, gorgeous and very talented. I could, truly, not be without him in my life. He fixes everything. He can build something out of nothing, and He loves me. I still can't get over this bit - this man truly sees something special in me. Something I don't even see in myself.

He makes me laugh. He holds me close. He loves me and stays with me even though we have remained childless, even though he would be the best father ever.

I love his more than mere words can say.

He is my world, my universe - this Man - my husband.