My sister is going to be an Auntie again!

Yesterday we told my sister we were pregnant. She has been having a really tough time lately. She has suffered from depression for quite a few years now, and some days she is able to cope better than others. Her fiance is very sick. He has an incurable brain tumour and the doctors are stunned that he is still able to do most things normally. He still works, still insists on walking the dogs, and helping with all the housework and cooking.

But he is in constant pain and frequently has fits and convulsions. Lately he has been stressing about all the things that need to be done about the place, and things like where the money is going to come in once he can't work, and what is going to happen to my sister once he has gone.

Last week it got too much and he had a breakdown and he is now a completely different person. He has been put on antidepressants and he is angry one minute and often says nasty things to people without prompting, and next minute he is crying and collapsing on the floor in tears. Most people don't understand that these things are not in his control and so they have lost a lot of friends.

He was in Sydney last week seeing his neurosurgeon so yesterday when we went round to my sisters she was alone - he was due back on an afternoon flight.

So she has been pretty down lately.

We decided to tell her, despite it being so early, firstly to cheer her up, and secondly because I need to feel some happiness about this baby, and because I was so aware that my last baby was not acknowledged by anyone until after it's death. I have this stupid urge to tell this baby how much it is loved and wanted (and hoping in return it sticks around!).

We sat down, had a bit of chit chat, and then Hubbs said "We brought you a present to cheer you up a bit" and we hand her a bag. Out of the bag she pulls a pack of 10 balls of baby wool. She looks at it and then she burst into tears and hugged us and she was so happy.

So that was our first real bit of happiness about little Tukka.

Last night I woke with a nightmare that I was at the hospital and they were saying "there's no heartbeat" and I was saying "it's too early - give it a couple more weeks". Hubbs had to comfort me until I fell back to sleep.