First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes bugsy pushing a baby carriage (as if!)

What can I say?

Last night I was so numb. I woke in the middle of the night to find my pillow saturated. I had been crying in my sleep.

I went to work, eyes sore and puffy and just spent time at my desk, doing my job, avoiding everyone.

Then I cried. I cried because I read all your comments and emails and they were so filled with love. There are no words to express how loved I feel by you all.

Every time I heard Ted telling someone his wonderful news today I put my headphones on and cranked up the music, drowning everything else out. It was the only way I could manage.

Hubbs.... well Hubbs is my lifeline. To say I love him with every iota of my being would be an understatement. He listened to me last night on the phone (whilst he was working), when I could hardly talk for the tears, and he calmed me down and somehow made me feel better.

A couple of days ago I had mentioned that Aldi had some good baby specials. That was all I did - mention it in passing. They had a very nice Mother's choice three wheel stroller for $99 that was really good value. I come home tonight to find that Hubbs has been shopping. There is this pile of stuff in the loungeroom waiting for me. And I mean a PILE.

He bought the stroller, two educational toys, 4 dvds on babies and pregnancy, 3 different types of baby bath books, a pack of 7 baby bibs and a pack of 7 baby face washers. I called him and he said "We WILL need these soon! They are hope items". OMG I love him. He must have spent a fortune!

I have reservations about having baby stuff around. There is the jinxing aspect that is foremost in my mind, but I also worry about spending money on items that may never be used.

Hubbs is far more confident than I am.

I thought about all the things he bought. I think it is something he really needed to do for himself. Perhaps he is losing hope as well and needed something tangible to reaffirm his dreams. I cannot deny him this and I won't be getting upset at what he did. I think he needs this as much as I need this blog and all of you. He has no other outlet.

Did I tell you how much I love him?