Confusion reigns

As you know my mother in law has been battling with depression and anxiety for a few months now and has steadily (and rather rapidly) gotten worse. 2 weeks ago tomorrow I took her into a private hospital, where she has remained. Nothing they have seemed to do has helped her - in fact since being in there she has seemed to get worse. Being scared of even something as small as going to the toilet. Some days she had to call me to be talked into going to the toilet - very very sad.

The doctors have been trying to talk her into doing ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy) which is quite a scary prospect (given it's history). She told the doctor to call me - that it would be my decision. I got really upset at that because I do not want to make any decision like that for her. I told her I would do as much research as I could and give her my opinion. But that the actual decision would be hers.

I gave her all the information I could find, and she spoke to 2 doctors and yesterday she told me that she had given her approval for the treatments and she was starting today. Very scary stuff.

Sunday we went to see her and a new part of her illness had manifested. She had anger. Poor Hubbs was sitting there, quiet as a mouse and she turned to him and angrily said "You are just like the others - you look at me and think there is nothing wrong, but there is on the inside". I gave a little laugh (i think because it was so out of character for her) and she turned to me and said in the same voice "what are you laughing at?". So I told her that I was just shocked that she had attacked her son, when he hadn't said or done anything to warrant it. She smiled then and said "oh yes, i suppose. I just thought that was what he was thinking". Very scary to see her not the happy person she used to be.

So it was with a breaking heart today that I received a phone call from her - a very confused woman. She said "they told me I have had some sort of treatment, but I don't remember anything." She didn't understand why she was in the hospital, or what was wrong with her. She couldn't remember where the bathroom was there or where her things were. She remembered that she saw her son from Sydney recently but was shocked when i told her that was about a month ago. She couldn't remember when she had seen us last (Sunday) and she never remembered giving her consent to the treatments. She remembered asking her husband to bring in a nail file for her, but doesn't remember him coming in - even though she can see the nail file in front of her. It took me ages to settle her down.

I think it is going to be a long journey for all of us. I just hope she arrives at her destination a little of the person she used to be. I miss that person.

It has always been a little joke between us that I would say that I married Hubbs because of his Mum. She asked me today if I regretting marring Hubbs to take on her and her illness. I told her I don't regret any of it and I would do it all again if I was given the chance. I do hope she is okay.

I will finish this post on a lighter note - Pictures of Alex at the shop.

Sitting up happily on the floor:
Flaked out after what looks like a really good party - notice the discarded bottle, and the frog.

A close up of him totally flaked out - I love the hat covering his eye. lol Poor tired little man.


Hope you are all well.