a better day.

Thanks guys.

I didn't sleep last night I was so worried, and then I worried what my worrying might do to the baby so tried not to worry.

But - the good news is that after my shower this morning I coughed and suddenly nearly threw up. Then it was a wave of familiar nausea and ever since then the nausea has been back, making me a super happy mum to be. (i hope - you know if all goes well and the bad stuff doesn't happen). - I just can't be super confident.

I have also had slight twinges in my sides again - Yay.

Jac - I think the problem lies in who is my current care giver. Monash Ivf have sort of released me but are happy to do blood tests if I ask nicely and I can't get into my first appointment with my OB until the 5th Feb. So who is caring for me? Who do I bug to try to get scans? What good would it do anyhow - if they find something wrong, there is nothing that can be done, unless the really bad stuff happens and the baby dies. I am sort of stuck in limbo between two caregivers I think. I need to be more patient I think and go with the flow. What I really want is to speed forward about 4 more weeks and get the really scary first trimester over with.

I am trying so hard to be confident but with my history it is really hard. I am so scared of letting my heart feel something. I am so scared of having confidence in this pregnancy only to have my world come crashing down at that mean old 12 week scan.

I am even planning on going to my sisters this weekend. Very scary move considering I am still scared to go far from home in case the really bad stuff happens. But I need to relax. I need to get on with life and a weekend in the peaceful countryside and maybe a walk along 90 mile beach sounds just what I need right now.

In other news: Our home phone isn't working - grrrr. It stopped working some time Sunday and is still dead. Tel*stra are on the case though and have been tracing the problem. They are coming out today to check the cable between the street and the house as they think the problem is there.

I am still knitting but not much. I get too tired and am lucky if I finish 2 rows a night. I am about 1/3 of the way through the last sleeve on Hubb's jumper though and will be taking it to my sisters with me to hopefully get more done on it.

8w4d