Friday, November 28, 2008

Big Changes

It's been a big week.

Wednesday Alex was sick and i had to stay home with him. At 9am i got a phone call - my boss, and a HR rep on the phone. In 10 mins my life changed. Over the phone they told me that my position had been made redundant. After 8 years, I am unemployed. In a heartbeat.

I finished up today.

I should be happy. I am one of the lucky ones. I get a reasonable payout in very uncertain times. New redundancy policies come into play 1st jan next year that means the payout is effectively halved.

Today was hard. It was like i was invisible to most there. Like i had already gone. 4 amazing friends there really helped me today. They made me remember why i love that place so much. It is the people - they are incredible and i thank them so much for being there today. They have no idea how their support carried me through the day.

I left quietly. No presentation, no gift, no card. It was better this way. I went to lunch with the people that mattered. I said goodbye to those people as well. No false presentations, no guilt filled gifts. It made the day more about me instead of them, and i was very glad of that.

Still, it was hard. I cried several times. Heck i am crying as i am typing this.

But I got through the day and now it is done. I am unemployed. I am free.

I never realised how emotional redundancies are. How the feelings are totally mixed. I just want to say to my friends that have been through this (Jojo -i am thinking of you), I hope i helped you during this time. I hope i made you feel okay. I never really understood, but i do now, and i am sorry if i didn't understand at the time.

I feel like they loved me so much that they paid me to go away. and i am struggling to understand how that really makes me feel.

i'm conflicted. I wish i could stop crying and see this as a positive thing, like so many people are telling me to do.

8 years is a long time. I have some grieving to do.

So now i have some big decisions to make, and i get to spend more time bouncing on the bed with this incredible little man:

and that IS a very positive thing.

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7 Comments:

At 11:59 pm, Anonymous rachel said...

Hi Bugs, I was just coming to comment on your last post and you beat me with another entry! Sorry to hear about your job, hope you enjoy some time off with Alex=) I'm not on facebook, but if I ever join I'll let you know! Thinking of you,
Rachel

 
At 9:53 pm, Blogger Cathy said...

What a bugger about your job.

I agree with Rachel that it will give you more time to be with Alex now.

Just think of all the milestones that you won't be missing out on now.

Your welcome with the little outfit for Alex.

I hope he gets a lot of wear out of it.

 
At 11:09 pm, Blogger Sassy said...

Enjoy some sleep ins and extra cuddles with your little guy.

Good luck with the job hunting. I hope you can find a brilliant new job soon.

 
At 11:50 pm, Anonymous Jessica said...

I'm sorry you lost your job. Here's to hoping that the next thing is even better! Good luck. *Hug*

 
At 10:49 pm, Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

It sure is hard. What timing....

xoxoxox

 
At 9:59 pm, Blogger rachel said...

Hey Bugs, you out there? Hope you are going ok!

Rachel

 
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