Big Changes

It's been a big week.

Wednesday Alex was sick and i had to stay home with him. At 9am i got a phone call - my boss, and a HR rep on the phone. In 10 mins my life changed. Over the phone they told me that my position had been made redundant. After 8 years, I am unemployed. In a heartbeat.

I finished up today.

I should be happy. I am one of the lucky ones. I get a reasonable payout in very uncertain times. New redundancy policies come into play 1st jan next year that means the payout is effectively halved.

Today was hard. It was like i was invisible to most there. Like i had already gone. 4 amazing friends there really helped me today. They made me remember why i love that place so much. It is the people - they are incredible and i thank them so much for being there today. They have no idea how their support carried me through the day.

I left quietly. No presentation, no gift, no card. It was better this way. I went to lunch with the people that mattered. I said goodbye to those people as well. No false presentations, no guilt filled gifts. It made the day more about me instead of them, and i was very glad of that.

Still, it was hard. I cried several times. Heck i am crying as i am typing this.

But I got through the day and now it is done. I am unemployed. I am free.

I never realised how emotional redundancies are. How the feelings are totally mixed. I just want to say to my friends that have been through this (Jojo -i am thinking of you), I hope i helped you during this time. I hope i made you feel okay. I never really understood, but i do now, and i am sorry if i didn't understand at the time.

I feel like they loved me so much that they paid me to go away. and i am struggling to understand how that really makes me feel.

i'm conflicted. I wish i could stop crying and see this as a positive thing, like so many people are telling me to do.

8 years is a long time. I have some grieving to do.

So now i have some big decisions to make, and i get to spend more time bouncing on the bed with this incredible little man:

and that IS a very positive thing.