Sunday, August 01, 2004

Now where is that switch ?

Not long now until my Op, just a few days.

I am kinda hoping that they will get their scopes and stuff inside me and then a look of recognition will come across the Doctor's face and he will say "Here is the problem - look - she has the biological switch set to "Career" - Now all I have to do is switch it to "Motherhood" instead and Bob's your uncle - that should do the job".

Then I will wake up and he will say "no issues, just a little switch reset, go forth and have as many babies as you want, and when you are sick of bearing young, let me know and I will switch it to something else - there are lots of settings to choose from". And I will laugh and hubby will take me home and the rest will be blog history, all smiles and happy gurgling baby photos.

But what if it doesn't go that way. What if my fears become reality and my dreams of ever having a baby die right there on that operating table? I always have this fear that the doctors will take one look at me and say "You, (snide laugh), You want a baby?, Are you kidding?". Like I am not supposed to ever have a child. That there is something fundamentally wrong with the idea.

Maybe I would have more luck imagining that I might have a chance to win a Gold medal at the Olympics in Greece. Now that I could perhaps do. A bit of training, lots of practice, perhaps some drugs here or there.

It is rather like trying to combat infertility when I think about it. Lots of practice, drugs when you are not performing so well, advice from everyone who suddenly thinks they are an expert. Perhaps winning a gold Medal would be simpler than having a baby.

Maybe after my Op on Thursday it will become apparent that I should start considering alternate switch settings.

Hmm I seem to remember I was quite good at discus in High School.

The archery training we did on our honeymoon was very productive as well.

But before I consider these options, I just pray that the switch is not broken. Please let the doctors turn around and tell me that all I needed was a little bit of a cleanout, and all should be fine from here on. Please let it be that easy. Please.


At 9:55 am, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

((((((hugs for bugsy))))))))

Going into the unknown is a scary thing. I hope and hope and hope they actually find something, so that they can say, "right, that's it, that's the reason". Although it would be awful at the same time, at least it could give you a reason.

It's the not knowing that's a killer. Hang in there, all will be revealed by the smiling doctors. And say yes to drugs my friend.


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