A very hard post to write (warning: bad news)
I never wanted to write this ever. But unfortunately bad stuff has happened and I need to tell you.
I think I am losing tukka.
Yesterday morning I woke up and I had this sudden feeling that I wasn't pregnant. So I did another HPT and it came up nice and strong and I felt okay again.
Then about 10am I went to the loo and there was blood. Not a lot but enough to freak me out. I instantly went to my boss and told him I had to go home. And I went home and laid down.
I started cramping not long after and I called my OB, who told me to come in to see him. I told him I was supposed to have my HCG blood test done and he suggested I get that done first, then go see him, which I did. The blood test should tell us whether my body is supporting little tukka.
So I went to the OB, who was lovely, and he did a check. My cervix is closed which is good news, but when he did an internal ultrasound there was nothing there. THERE IS NOTHING IN MY UTERUS. He said it might be too soon to really see anything (I think he is wrong there, I think by this stage we should be able to see a gestational sac at least), it might be ectopic or I might be miscarrying. Certainly the cramping and bleeding is not a good sign.
So I came home and have to have complete bed rest (yes I have the laptop in bed with me). Today I should get the blood test results and tomorrow I go back to see the OB for another scan.
Since then all I have had is bleeding and major cramping. I think I know in my heart that little tukka is gone. I just need the doctors to confirm it now so I can move on (somehow).
I don't know when I will post again. I will try to keep you up to date, but right now I just want to curl up into a little ball and sink into oblivion. I just want to cease to exist.
Why, oh why is this happening again.
posted by Bugsy @ 12:21:00 pm
8 comments
8 Comments:
Hi, I've been a lurker for a while but when I read this I just had to say how sorry I am, I hope that your fears aren't realised and tukka is just in hiding. All my love. Sher
I am so, so sorry Bugsy. It seems like this is happening in different corners of blogland right now and it is so heartbreaking. Last week, it seemed everyone was on cloud nine. I don't understand why things just can't progress normally for all of those that so, so deserve to have a child of their own.
I hope everything is okay and I hope your test comes back great - maybe the spotting is insignificant. Could you possibly be earlier in the pregnancy that you thought?
Thinking of you, sweetie, and hoping all works itself out for a dear friend . .
Oh Bugsy, I don't know what to say. I'm so, so sorry to hear your news and I'll be desperately hoping that things work out OK for you and Tukka. Be kind to yourself, you're in my thoughts.
Firstbub XXX
Oh I am so very sorry. I am sending you positive vibes that Tukka hangs in there. I am thinking of you.
Oh Bugs.
This cant be happening.
oh NO. Oh fucking...fuck.
God, I am so sorry Bugsy, this is awful. I am hoping as hard as I can and sending you all the very best vibes, good thoughts whatevers, that this will turn out ok.
Oh Bugsy. Don't lose hope yet. Plenty women have spotting early on in their pregnancies and they go on to have healthy babies. I hope that your tests come back ok. We're all here for you Bugs.
I'm still praying that all will be well. Usually I'd say that your mother's intuition is valuable, but after another loss, it might just be that you're naturally cynical.
Sometimes it really IS hard to find even a gestational sack this early. And many women have bleeding and then a healthy pregnancy.
I'm praying that all is well, and that if it isn't, you don't lose hope!
Hugs!
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