Tuesday, August 16, 2005

the Storm and the Calm

I heard from the "friend" today. She emailed me that she was sorry to hear of my troubles but "how was I to know when you never contact us". That's true. I haven't been such a good friend lately but I had reason to shy away from the world. I make no excuses.

I composed 4 different emails to her today. I saved each one as a draft and never sent any of them.

Then I thought about how stupid all this was - these emails back and forth, and when I came home from work, I picked up the phone and called her. I asked her what on earth was going on. She broke down and told me how stupid she felt. How after getting my email she felt like a right proper bitch. She said she couldn't believe how insensitive she had been.

We talked for a while and she asked about the baby and I burst into tears. I couldn't talk about my darling Tukka with her.

I told her how hurt I was by her email. She said that she knows she jumps to conclusions when she doesn't hear from me for a while. She starts to think that I don't care about them anymore. I said, But I wrote you a long letter when I was up in Sydney in June, and sent Daughter number 2 a birthday present from there too. We have emailed since, and spoken on the phone a couple of times. I know we haven't been close but we both lead such different lives now.

We are both to blame for this situation. I really haven't put much effort in, and neither has she. But I don't jump to any conclusions, I just accept the changing friendship. She struggles to do that.

We have decided to try and make it work. To both put a bit of effort into keeping in contact. To see if we can salvage something out of it. It is all we can do.

I have no idea whether this will work. Whether we will ever really be friends again. But I spoke to the kids on the phone tonight, and they had me in tears. I can't give up on them just yet.

Am I mad?

I had a dream last night. It left me feeling very calm. In my dream I was walking down a street in the neighbourhood I grew up in. I was walking with someone I don't recognise, with a little yorkshire terrier on a red lead. It was a good dog, just calmly enjoying the walk. We walked past a house that I knew an elderly lady lived in, and as we passed I realised her front tap was on full bore. Then I realised she had 4 taps scattered throughout the garden, and all had water pouring out of them.

I couldn't walk on and see that happening. All that wasted water. I stopped, handed the dog's lead to the other person and started turning off the taps. As I did so, the elderly lady came out of the house. She started telling me off for turning the taps on, when she realises that I was turning them off. She came to help, and did one of them, while I did the other three.

Then I was talking to the lady and admiring her garden. I particularly admired this lovely plant with silver leaves (rather like a lavender bush) with pink\red flowers. She told me about the plant, how it was a lovely special plant. Then she carefully broke a piece off and handed it to me, giving me instructions on how to make it grow.

The last thing I remember was her hands on mine, the cutting between us.

I would love to hear what you think about it.

Until tomorrow.....

3 Comments:

At 9:33 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a nice dream . . . I am really into dreams. Maybe it was someone's way of telling you that you have to try again and attempt to grow another beautiful plant. Unfortunately I am not as good as interpreting them as I would like to be.

Hugs . . .

 
At 9:43 am, Blogger Mama Mouse said...

I'll have to think about the dream ... there is MUCH there. But a quick first impression is that it is about a new beginning. Water in dreams represents emotions and apparently much emotion is flowing. The cutting is a symbol of growth and the new beginning. The old lady could be a symbol of the 'old' relationship.

Let me think on it some. If you are comfortable with the relationship and trying to salvage it ... then that is what you need to do. But don't try to salvage it if it is going to hurt you.

HUGS ... I'll be back later with my further thoughts on your dream.

 
At 1:17 pm, Blogger Anne said...

It sounds like a dream of hope. Of new beginnings. I think the emotions and thoughts we have in our waking life definitely come out in our dreams. So, how you felt about it makes a difference in your interpretation.

I know things have been terribly difficult lately. But I think it speaks to your amazing inner spirit.

Blessings.

 

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