Saturday, May 20, 2006

Adoption, foster care and IVF

Thursday night we went to a Monash IVF Adoption and Foster care information session.

It was heartwrenching, but informative. There were two people speaking about their personal experience with overseas adoption - one from Korea and one from China. I welled up when I they showed pictures of their first meeting with their new daughters. It was really tough keeping the tears in, but I managed it just.

There was a speaker about local adoptions - to be honest she was pretty weak and could have served in politics as she spoke a lot but none of what she said had any substance. When people from the audience asked the questions we all wanted to know - like "In reality, how many children actually get offered for adoption every year?", she answered with a "I will discuss that with you later" and went back to her notes to continue her speal.

The fourth speaker was a lady relating her personal experience with foster care.

Of course we also got to meet Sassy and her lovely husband so that was a huge bonus. We had a great chat after the session.

I think in all, it was good to know we have options and although this might be a huge waste of time for us, I still want to continue exploring assisted conception possibilities for the moment. We have our meeting with the fertility specialist on the 29th, and we would like to give IVF a go. We have discussed continuing along this route for another 3 years or so before we re-evalute the situation.

As sassy said on her blog, every route has it's difficulties. None of them are easy. Adoption is one avenue and it has it's issues as well.

There are huge lot of questions floating around my head at the moment. I wonder if I could do adoption. I wonder if we could afford it. Whether taking a child out of their birth country; their birth culture is the right thing to do. I wonder whether I would be able to bring them up with an appreciation of the culture they were born to. I wonder whether I could cope with being a mother without experiencing prenancy - without giving birth. I have always longed to be pregnant to know what it feels like to have a child moving inside me - growing inside me. Would I be happy never knowing whether my child would have my husband's nose or my red hair?

It is a huge step and one that requires a lot more thought and discussion. If we decide to adopt we have to cease fertility treatments - get a letter from our specialist saying that we won't be doing any further treatments. That would be a huge step. We would go through a huge greiving process if we did this, and I am not ready to do that yet.

We have also been discussing foster care as well. It is an option.

And it is nice to know that we have options. Even if we don't exercise any of them yet - we have options and that is a very good feeling.


At 1:50 pm, Blogger mfaizalzul said...

nice blog..;)

At 3:18 pm, Blogger The Momma / MrsHUGS said...

Hi Bugsy...

As I read your blog more tears are being added to the tears that are still flowing from last night, you will understand that for sure...

I just want to say that I will stand by you in whatever path is taken, I understand all your questions and not sure what I would do but just quickly thinking, I would have to say a child is a child and they all need someone to love, care and cherrish them as they grow...

Good Luck...


At 5:50 pm, Blogger Lisa said...

I'm a former foster child and current child advocate...

Best wishes to you and your husband. As a previous poster has stated, you have to do what is best for you.

I also want you to know that I understand about PCOS. I have PCOS myself - in fact last weekend, I went to the ER for this problem.

In my case, I never wanted to have children myself; I just wanted to foster or adopt or have stepchildren.

And, when I fell in love, the man I married had two children already, so my current investment is in my two stepdaughters.

In the meantime, I volunteer my time to mentor foster children, lead workshops for foster parents / foster children and try to influence national policy.

Whatever decision you and your husband make, you have my full support. Albeit, a stranger's full support, but a stranger who is willing to be an email resource for you if you do decide to foster.

At 5:59 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Hun I know if you adopted or fostered a child you would love it just as much as you would if you gave birth to it. I know you will always have the "what ifs" but find me anyone who doesnt have those about something.

Like Mrs Hugs..I will support you hun in whatever you choose to do. Just always keep hope.


At 6:55 pm, Blogger Cathy said...

I am a foster parent and the enjoyment far outweighs the heartaches.

A lot of these children have no-one else to give them the love that they crave.

Keep it in mind as an option for whichever road you take in the future.

You have bucket loads of love to give and you will make a marvelous MUM.


At 7:13 pm, Blogger shell said...

whichever road you and hubbs choose to go hun i couldn't think of better parents.

At 10:15 pm, Anonymous Sassy said...

As I said on my blog, it was great to meet you and I'm glad you got so much out of the evening. It was a really interesting night, except for that speaker that you mentioned, she sucked arse.

Hope life is good.

- Sassy

At 9:01 am, Blogger Vee said...

I think the hardest part is knowing when let go of AC. Like you I can't even think about it just yet.

Options are always good !

At 7:44 pm, Anonymous eggsakimbo said...

I think it sounds like a good move that you went to the info session. Options are GOOD! I can't wait to meet you and Sassy when I move back to Melbs.

At 10:12 pm, Blogger Betty said...

I also went to an information evening last September and I came away feeling more confused than ever.It is a very difficult decision, made even harder by the fact that you must close the door on any fertility treatment. I related to everything you said.


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