Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Day 2

Day 2 of being back at work.

Today I spoke to a girl who, after asking my boss why I was away, and being told, told me that when he told her she burst into tears and had to go sit in the loo for a bit to calm down. She was so nice and didn't say all the things we hate. Instead she just said "it is so bloody unfair", "It just isn't right". and "why? Why?".

It helped but it also didn't help as I barely held in the tears long enough to finish talking to her and got to the loo to let it all out. I am thinking of asking building management to put some pictures up in the loo, paint the walls a cheerier color or provide a tv or something - I have spent a lot of time there lately, and the room is bland and boring.

A lot of people have asked how my "holiday" was. I have answered "it wasn't a holiday". They asked "were you sick?" and I said "in a way, yes". Then they inevitably say "are you better now?" and i say "I will never be the same again" and then they generally walk away not sure what to make of it. I don't care. If they push any more I am going to tell them, and I don't think they really want to hear about it. They don't care and it is one of those things where they would regret asking.

Picture this scene - I was in a meeting in a room with big floor to ceiling glass walls. A work colleague (who I really dislike as she is a very smart woman who makes out all the time like she is a stereotypical dumb blonde and speaks like a naughtly little schoolgirl all the time - she is also 6 months pregnant), came by and pushed her face up against the glass to make a face at us. Then she laughed and opened the door and said "I tried to be silly and make a funny face against the glass, but my belly pushed up against the glass first hehe". I wanted to vomit right there and then. Instead I stared intently at my papers and left the other meeting occupants to pander to the freak.

My neck and shoulders are no better. Sleeping is impossible as every time I move I wake up in howling pain again. It takes me 10 mins to get out of bed, as it hurts so much. Today I also have the added bonus of a migraine developing and already one eye is not focusing with the pain. I may have to give in and go home. Certainly the pain killers I took 2 hours ago have done diddly squat. Luckily I have no meetings today so can go if I need to.

Yesterday marked 15 years since my Dad died. I dreamt of him last night, which made me so happy, like I spent this anniversary with him. I was holding his hand seconds before he died (he waited until I left the room before he passed - moments later). 15 years later, and I can remember that moment in vivid detail still. I miss you Dad.

I went home last night and in a fit of domestic goddessness (is that a word) I cooked up a big pot of veggie and bacon soup - so yummy. I am trying to get more veggies into Hubbs as he has had one cold after another for the last 2 months, and I think his normal diet of lollies, chips and chocolate are not helping. He came home from nightshift this morning and heated up a big bowl of soup and declared it delicious - Yay.

I might make up some vegetable pasties on the weekend - another rouse to get him eating more veggies.

See - I am all prepared for picky eating kids *sigh*

9 Comments:

At 2:17 pm, Blogger Ova Girl said...

just wanted to say ...thinking of you bugsy.

 
At 8:21 pm, Anonymous Leoni said...

Perhaps you should wear a T-Shirt at work that says "I've had a miscarriage, now F*ck off" or what about "If one more person asks how I am I will rip your head off" or "Don't ask! Just leave me alone"

Hugs to you matey, hang in there, and a BIG Pfffffffffft to the bimbo with her big nose...I mean stomach. Silly cow.

cheers,
Leoni

 
At 10:22 pm, Blogger Katt said...

I am with Leoni with the Pfffffft to the bimbo...

And I like the idea of the "Don't ask! Just leave me alone" tshirts!!

Biggest hugs to you sweetie.

Katt

 
At 6:34 am, Anonymous Lucy said...

Aw Bugsy. I'm sorry it's been this tough. Hopefully some of the raw pain will start to subside a bit. Wish I could make it go away faster ... and also wish I could make other people understand what you're going through without you having to deal with them.

 
At 9:48 pm, Blogger Vee said...

Bugsy, sorry you are having a tough time.
You take care of yourself.
Sending you big hugs.

 
At 6:14 am, Blogger Em said...

You are doing brilliantly Bugsy to be coping with so much at the moment. Your co-worker sounds like a complete bimbo and rest assured, her kids will probably be very boring and stupid.

 
At 10:16 am, Blogger Kris said...

I'm sorry it's been so hard. Like the internal stuff isn't enough to deal with... now you've got bimbo etched in glass.

Big hugs.

 
At 3:52 pm, Anonymous Sassy said...

I'm thinking of you and hoping it gets easier for you soon.

 
At 10:26 pm, Blogger Songbird said...

Bugsy, I'm so sorry for your loss. (Got here via Dishcloth Swap.) I'm not sure what helps other than knowing other people know it's awful, but that is small comfort. Bless you.

 

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