Monday, September 04, 2006

Some of the test results

Well we got some of the test results. The test results from the baby were back as were most of our blood tests but the test for our chromosomes were still "culturing".

We sat in the waiting room, filled with pregnant women. I heard one lady say she was due first week in Feb and I looked at her rounding belly and thought "that should have been me". A little girl of about two was destroying magazines. Mum said "amy - stop that", "Amy put that back", "Amy come sit with me and we can read a book". Amy just kept saying "Why mummy, Why?" - cute kid. Hubbs and I both smiled at her, exchanged knowing glances with her mum and sadly smiled at each other, wondering if we could ask the same question "Why?".

Basically our baby had Trisomy 12 - an extra chromosome 12. There is nothing we could have done, and nothing I did caused this. It is just an accident of nature that chromosome 12 didn't divide properly. He said that babies with chromosome 12 cannot survive - it isn't like downs babies.

We also found out that our baby was a boy. A BOY. A son. We were going to have a baby boy. A child that would have been male - a boy child. I thought knowing this would make it harder; make the loss of our child more "real". Before we were just losing the thought of a child; the promise of a future, but now we know we really lost a human being - a little person.

Actually it has, in some ways, helped me in my thinking. I now feel that our child has been validated in some way - that it is just further proof that we were having a real child. A baby. A boy baby. Our son.

Hubbs and I will name him. We will give it a bit of thought first. I want to give him the name we had picked out for him. Hubbs wants to save that for uhum... the next baby, and give him a name we wouldn't have used. I need to give it some thought. If any of you have any thoughts on this I would love to hear about it.

Now back to the rest of my exciting life.
I need to call him Friday for those results.

9 Comments:

At 5:00 pm, Anonymous Lucie said...

I hope it helps having some answers and knowing that you have a little boy angel watching down on you. Personally I would give your son the name you picked for him - I just don't know if I would be able to use the name for another child, but that's just how I feel. Fingers crossed that all your other results are good news. Thinking of you heaps. Take care of yourself.

 
At 5:06 pm, Blogger Katt said...

I am glad that the results that came back can put your mind at ease that it was nothing that you did (which we all KNEW anyway).

I agree give him the name you had picked. It would be wrong to use it for another. It was HIS name.

I hope the rest of the results give you more answers that will help.

Katt

 
At 8:14 pm, Anonymous Lucy said...

I'm glad that you got some answers back. Knowing that it was chromosomal and nothing could have been done is still so very sad. Your little angel boy was loved loved loved.

I can't say I have any advice on the name issue. I probably lean more towards your husband's choice, because in my mind, having the name live on in another son would be a tribute to his memory. But it's such a personal decision and there are no right or wrong answers here.

 
At 10:29 pm, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm glad to hear you got some answers. It's so hard to find out the gender, isn't it?

Re the name thing, I can't say. You have to do what feels right for you.

 
At 11:48 pm, Blogger Tara said...

It's good that now you at least know the reason. I know it doesn't make it any easier but at least now you won't have those thoughts of, "If only I had done this differently..."

About the name, I agree, it's so personal. My husband and I lost a boy before we had Gavin and we thought we would give Gavin the same name. When we saw him he just didn't look like the name of our first baby. It's what feels right to you.

 
At 6:08 am, Blogger Summer said...

I'm glad you were able to get a few answers from the test results.

As for naming your son, I think if you've already starting thinking of him with the name you had picked, then that is his name and you might not be able to think of him by any other. This must be a very hard thing to try to decide, but I think you need to go with what feels right for you.

 
At 9:21 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Follow your heart about the naming, choose what you both think is best. For what it's worth, when we found out our last m/c was a boy, we did choose a name that was a favourite but not one we pobably would have used had the baby gone to term. I hope that helps a little. Thinking of you.......

Danielle x

 
At 11:52 am, Blogger Procrastiknitter said...

(((HUGS))) I've been thinking of you quite a lot lately. Just wanted to say how glad I am that you found a "reason". It was at least nice to know in our situation what the problem was. It helped with the self guilt.

IMHO, you should name him what you were going to. If you don't, when you do have a son, it'll make it that much harder for you to always think that it would have been your 1st son's name.

 
At 1:04 pm, Anonymous seepi said...

It is good that you can get these results. Did they say whether this syndrone is likely to reoccur in future? I hope the result gives you sme hope.
With the names, I thnk you and Hubbs need to agree. I would tend to user thename you ahd picked out, but maybe that is a woman thing? Could you use the name as a second name, and then you could still use it in future if you wanted to (I suspect that you wouldn't want to at the time, but the option would be open.)
Be kind to yourself and Hubbs.

 

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