Bugger

I haven't posted for a week now - I haven't felt like blogging. In fact I haven't felt like much at all.

All weekend I have just felt like crying. Yesterday I was so down, and nothing could lift me. Hubbs tried - even asking me several times how he could help me feel better, but I wasn't having it.

Last week the sale of my sister's house fell through for the second time as the buyer (same buyer as the first time it fell through) was once again unable to raise their finance.

Last night she had another offer on it by someone else, and they have accepted (but this is also subject to finance - grrrr).

Yesterday they once again came round and as they were eating me out of house and home I decided to make donuts in my new mini donut maker. I made the recipe up exactly as stated in the booklet, but everyone in my house had an opinion ("the mix should be thinned out", "no the mix is too runny") and trying to cook them it was the same thing (" they are cooked", "no they need to cook longer", "you didn't put enough mix in","you put too much mix in".

They all turned out crap, and of course, everyone had an opinion again about that. My sister's fiance took a bite of one, declared them "crap" and then threw the uneaten piece back on the plate of all the doughnuts - so I had to throw the whole plate of them away. I also had my sister decide to clean my kitchen because it wasn't "clean enough" for her liking, and her fiance telling us both that we need to clean up more. Apparently my bathroom is also in need of more of a clean that I had given it - ok - I hadn't cleaned it for a week, but it wasn't that bad.

This is all because they have been living in an ultra clean house while it has been up for sale - nothing I could do will be good enough now.

In the end I just stood in the kitchen and cried, amongst everyone giving their opinion on my housekeeping skills, my cooking skills and everything. When my sister piped up and asked if we were considering trying again for a baby, it was the last straw, and I just said "we haven't decided yet" and I left and went to the loo to regain my composure.

I just wish they would all bugger off. I have totally had enough!

Today I made choc chip biscuits - that made me feel better. But I still feel like tears are there waiting to fall but they are being kept at bay.

During the week I had a very clear moment, where I said out loud "Lord - if you want to take me now, that would be okay. I am not doing anything important on this earth. Yep - it would be okay."

It didn't happen though. I am still here.

Bugger.