Saturday, August 18, 2007

Thanks guys

Thanks guys. I knew I could rely on you to help me sort out these emotions and feelings. I feel greatly encouraged after reading your comments. I am not alone! I walk through this journey with each of you by my side and I thank you eternally for that. You have no idea how much it helps.

We had a reasonable night. I was waking him every 3 hours for a feed (it is horrible to wake a comfortable sleeping baby - you feel really mean), except for the 7am feed - I slept through the alarm and didn't wake until 9 (sorry little man!). At 9am I woke him for his feed. between 3am and 5am he refused to sleep. His nappy was dry, he didn't want anything more to drink and all he wanted to do was cuddle with Mum and Dad for a while. We took turns nursing him until he was sound asleep and then we both flaked (probably why we both slept through the alarm at 7am).

My sister called today. She thought she might come see her new nephew. She has no idea. She rang not long after I had woken at 9am, and kept saying "what's wrong with you? you sound tired" - yeah funny about that!

Then her fiance got on the phone (if you have been playing along for a while you would know how much I like him!), and went on and on about "we are so excited for you, and you know we will be here for you every step of the way, and we are totally over the moon about his birth - can't wait until he is older and can come stay with us" etc etc. All just words in the air - since he is over a week old now and they have hardly called, let alone visited him (until today). This is the same people that told me in the hospital that they weren't going to drive the 200kms to visit us because it wasn't worth it if they couldn't get a cuddle.

Still - I am trying to see things from their side too, and not get myself too upset about the lack of support my family have given me.

I must take this time too to thank Linda (Hugs a lot) for coming to visit me in hospital (and Mel too) and for keeping in contact with me to see how I am doing - you are an angel and we love you heaps. If only you knew hun how much that meant to me. In the 6 days in hospital I had a total of 8 visitors (including you guys). For two of those days I had no visitors at all. I was so depressed and lonely. The nurses stopped asking me if I was getting any visitors and started taking their tea breaks with me, just to give me company.

I know so many others of you would have visited me if you could have, and I thank you so much for your support. Just knowing you are here, asking me how I am and actually being interested means so much.

My brothers visited once and I haven't heard from them since. My sister in law hasn't even called. Not once. My darling mother in law calls me every day asking if I need anything. She is being so wonderful and I love her to pieces for it. The only thing I have had to ask is that she wants to bring her husband over to see the baby, and I want Hubbs to be here when he is here, as he is a very loud man who is a terrible chain smoker and I want Hubbs to be forceful in telling him he cannot smoke and then go pick up the baby or anything. He rolls his own smokes and his hands are covered in nicotine and I don't want that entering through my baby's skin. I know I wouldn't be forceful enough and I need Hubbs to be there to do that. So I have fobbed them off until Monday morning when Hubbs will be here.

I guess if I was being honest I would say that the no visitors/ no support thing was partially my fault. I have never asked anyone for help. Never expected anyone to do anything for me. I have a problem asking for help from anyone. I always do everything myself. I am the strong one of the family and everyone looks to me for guidance on what they should do. So it is not surprising that now they don't even think of asking if I need anything, or how I am, because they just know i will not accept help, and prefer to do everything myself.

Ohhh I also want to thank Dan big time - she not only has been keeping in phone contact with me every day, but also sent me a breast pump (which has been invaluable), and the most beautiful blanket for Alex and a guardian angel bear (which the kids picked out - thank you my darlings). The bear is protecting Alex and is right near his cradle. I love it - thank you.

You guys are my real family! Muuuuuahhhhh to you all.



At 2:22 pm, Anonymous Leoni said...

Hi ya Bugsy,

Ok, 1st I'll comment on your post yesterday. You are not a bad mummy! You hear me, not bad! Actually the bloody nurse is a bad nurse for making stupid comments rather than being supportive. If she says anything like that again tell her you could do with guidance rather than critism(sp?) grrrrrr Screw the dust and any other housework, THAT is not important, you and baby Alex are important. Your not abnormal/weird/a freak, this is NORMAL for someone who's just given birth and tell her to get off your case. Out of all my 3 children I can honestly say my 1st was the "worst", I had no bloody idea what I was doing and I could never get anything done around the house, sometimes I was in my PJ till 5pm! Re: the weight, yep all babies lose a bit of weight after birth, Annike (I'll use her as she was 4 weeks early) was born at 2.8kgs and by 1 week old weighed 2.2kgs. She was also a tad jaundice so kept wanting to sleep so woke her every 4 hrs or so, but by the 2nd week she was "awake" and woke herself for regular feeds.

As for your family :-( is all I can say, I do know the feeling, when Annike was born my 1 and only sister took one whole blasted week to call via telephone to say congrats grrrrrrrrr Well FWIW we are ecstatic that you've had Alex and if I lived in Melb I would have visited like a shot, bah to family not caring. As for the smoking, start practicing in saying NO to him smoking near Alex. Tell Chris to explain that since smoking is very harmful to babies, its extra bad for Alex as he was born early. Scare the cr*p out of FIL if you have to, anything to stop him smoking. Actually, I'd make him wash his hands before picking up Alex.

You are doing a fab job hun, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hang in there, it DOES get better, you just need some time to adjust to the addition to your family.

Big {{{HUGS}}} to you,

At 2:40 pm, Blogger Jen4 @ Amazing Trips said...

Congratulations on Baby Alex - he is absolutely beautiful!!!

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down about your family and lack of support. Sometimes it's hard for people to know what exactly to give - and even if you tell them - sometimes it's not enough, or what we need. Eventually, you will get in to the swing of things and this time will all be a blur.

Regarding the BF'ing: you'd think that it would be an easy process for both you and the baby, eh? Truly BF'ing is one of the most difficult "natural" things I've ever done (next to getting pg, of course!!) My suggestion - for what it's worth - is if he is still not getting enough by nursing, STOP the nursing and starting pumping. Don't try to do both. If his latch isn't correct - and you're nursing and pumping - you are going to chafe yourself RAW. Trust me, I've done it - and between bleeding nipples and mastitis, I was ready to DIE.

Also, my baby is now 6 weeks old, and it is only within the past week that nursing has stopped being an EXCRUCIATING experience. It started getting bad on day 10 and I'd have to bite down on a burp cloth when he'd latch on until day 36. Because this is the second time I've nursed (fourth baby) and I've been counseled by >5 lactation consultants, I know that everything we were doing is correct. It's just that nipple skin is extremely sensitive and it takes time to toughen up.

Once Alex is a little bit older, you can go back to nursing. I didn't start nursing our triplets until they were ~4 mos, and I nursed them successfully until they were 16 mos.

Whatever you do, enjoy every moment with your precious baby. He will grow up faster than you can believe.

Congrats again!!

At 8:18 pm, Anonymous seepi said...

oH - i'm sorry you didn't get many visitors. I had hardly any when my bub was born, but I didn't want any. My bub was sick, and I was so stresed and upset I didn't want to see anyone.

Also - people don't know what to do, so they do nothing...a lot of people think you won't want visitors at first, so they stay away.

Try to appreciate the interest your family do show, even if it isn't perfect. My sister is a drug addict, so she is only interested in herself. I don't expect support - I'd be happy with some genuine level of interest.

Anyway - the main thing is you have your gorgeous little boy and you have Hubbs to support you too - I know you are going to be a fantastic mum!!



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