Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad,

So much has happened since you left. I have tried my best to live my life the way you wanted me to. I just hope I have made all the right decisions. I hope that you would have been proud of me.

Not a day goes by when I don’t want you back. I would give up anything if that were possible, even my own life. I want you to hug me, to call me your “bubsy” again. I just want to see your smile and listen to your crumby jokes.

I remember when you stopped the car to tell the people with the flat tyre that if they turned the flat bit to the top, they would be fine. Mum was so embarrassed. And when I couldn’t grasp my left from my right, you would um.. “help” by throwing in port and starboard randomly as well.

You never wanted me to get my ears pierced. You said that only “barbarians” mutilate their bodies. It took me 8 years after you died to pluck up the courage to defy you on that, and I cried for ages afterwards, sad that I had defied you. I hope you have forgiven me.

I remember when I took you to see “the boy who could fly” at the cinemas – there was a very tame kissing scene but you still told Mum that I took you to some disgusting movie.

We had some good times Dad. For the first 20 years of my life you were more than my father. You were my best friend too. Then cancer came and took you from me.

Today is 13 years since you passed away. Mum joined you only 6 years later. In your true style of doing things you passed away 6 months to day before your 60th birthday.

I miss you both so much. I love you both more than anything. 13 years Dad, and it doesn’t get any easier. I still cry at the mere mention of you. I still cry when I think of you. I miss you so much. I still think of ending it all so I can be with you and Mum and my baby. But I won’t. I don’t think I could.

I feel so cheated at having lost you and Mum. Recently I had a dream that you and Mum came to me in my sleep and you told me that you were caring for my m/c baby. You told me she was a girl, something I didn’t know. I can rest easy now knowing that she is being cared for by the best parents possible.

I just hope that when we do finally have a child that I can be half as good a parent as you were.

I love you Dad. I miss you.