PCOS – 4 letters, lotsa pain

Okay so “lotsa” isn’t a word, so please excuse me on that one.

When I first went to my GP all those years ago, and told her we had been ttcing for a year with no success, she sent me to a prominent IVF clinic to a supposedly prominent doctor there. She wasn’t suggesting I go straight to IVF, but rather that if I ended up there I would be in the right place.

Anyway, this woman was horrible. The sort of woman who you wouldn’t let hold your child, let alone help you conceive. I gritted my teeth through the first meeting, where she set me up with all sorts of tests. Her speciality was PCOS and she was conducting a study on it. If I ended up having it, she may include me in her study and she might be able to really help. So I did one of those horrible internal ultrasounds and the technician counted 4 follicles on one side, 3 on the other.

Then she did blood tests day 2, 4 and 6 and compared them. She said “everything is normal, you don’t have PCOS”. She then poked my tummy said “You are never going to have a baby, you are just too fat” and told me to lose weight. I walked straight out of her office, paid my bill, headed to the car and proceeded to cry for an hour before being able to drive home.

She wanted to see me again in three months (to poke me again???), but luckily we got pregnant before then and I never went back. Even after we lost the baby, I vowed never to return to that horrible woman. I don’t care if she is the best in her field. I need someone with compassion as well as degrees.

My new doctor is lovely. He held my hand when we lose the baby and told me that he wished there was some way he could tell us that everything would be okay. He has since done my laparoscopy and will help us more if we need it.

He said this though “you definitely have PCOS!” I said that I can’t have it – “the doc said I didn’t have it” and told him about the tests. He said that just because I didn’t have the polycystic ovaries, it doesn’t mean I don’t have PCOS. I looked up the symptoms of it and Wham – went “tick”, “tick”, “tick” down the list, most of the way.

Recently my incredible friend (my spiritual sister), was told she had PCOS too. Hers is bad – badly damaged ovaries, endometriosis etc. She miscarried a few months back and he doesn’t think she has released an egg since. She is shattered. She hasn’t been responding to clomid and they are not sure they are going to be able to help her. Oh and to make things better, they told her that her gorgeous darling daughter has a high chance of being affected by PCOS as well. Great. Fantastic. Terrific.

Well PCOS – this is all I can say – My sister and I sat down and decided that we are not going to let you defeat us. You may be invading our bodies and having your fun now, but Stuff you! Yep – you heard me – “Stuff you!”. We are going to lose weight and we are going to fight you. You will not stop us from having the babies we desire so strongly.

We will get our babies sis - you and me both. And PCOS – well that is just going to be another 4 letter word that we utter. And – it will always be in the context of “Hah – we sure showed you!”.