Beware of wide loads and women bearing hormones.

Lessons I have learnt this month:

1. Just because :
* your boobs go from an A cup to a C cup overnight;
* you are now sure that they can be seen from the moon;
* you are sure they are about to be labelled the latest "wonders of the world";
* and they are so sensitive that you seriously consider going topless to work,
DOES NOT mean that you might be pg!!!!!

2. Getting your hopes up hurts. I never learn - like Pavlov's dog I go back cycle after cycle getting my hopes up.

3. Imagining symptoms does not suddenly make them real.

4. It doesn't matter if you babydance before O, during O, after O, during a full moon, or after eating cheesecake if AF arrives, you are still not pg.

5. If you plan a spa date with your hubby for your wedding anniversary, AF will arrive the day before, guaranteed.

6. If you go out and buy something babyish (I bought some cute bibs last night), AF will arrive the very next day.

Yep, back at CD1 for yet another fun filled cycle of trying for the seemingly unattainable goal of bearing our firstborn.

The bell has rung, the lights have been switched off and the crew have gone home. The corridors are quiet, just the gentle hum of the floor polishers as the cleaners come out to do their thing, ready for production of the next episode.

Question is, Do I have the strength to keep on going? I think I do, but I also think that I need to make some life changes if this is going to happen. I have to lose weight! When I weighed less I Oed on cd16 and got pg. Now I am Oing on cd22. I can do this. If I really want a child, I can do this. And I do want a child. So very much. The fear of miscarrying again now weighs less on my mind than the fear of never having a child.

So this is it - the moment where I look at myself and say "get back on the bandwagon fatty, and start eating better!".

I might go waddle off now and seek out a salad for lunch.

(please be careful not to trip over the "wide load" signage as you leave).