Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Excuse my language

But I am so f'n pissed off at the moment.

I am so angry a hubby that I have had angry thoughts of leaving him or suicide. I just don't know what to do.

Hubby has a habit of coming to bed late. I mean, 3am is early for him. It is not uncommon for him to come to bed at 5 or 6am. I hate it and I continually ask him to come to bed with me. I feel like I just share a house. I constantly sleep alone. Even if we BD, which I have to say is rare, he won't go to bed until after 11pm, regardless of whether I have to work in the morning or not.

But the thing that really really gets me - is when I have to get up at 6am to go to work, and he comes to bed at 5:30am. He always wakes me up as he comes to bed, not deliberately, but he does wake me up. As soon as he does that, my back reminds me that it is in pain (if I lay too long it aches, but when I am asleep I don't know about it), it completely stuffs my BBT check up, and I lose that vital few minutes of sleep before I have to get up and go to work.

I have asked him time after time, that if he is up that late (which is, of course, one issue), and he goes to come to bed, to THINK. If it is after 5am - STAY UP until 6am so I can finish my sleep and not get disturbed.

I am so angry about it. Now he is asleep. I am tired and angry and will go to work that way. I am shaking I am so upset about it and how will that affect him? Well he will sleep until 3 or 4pm and will be absolutely fine.

The bigger issue is that he is on 7 weeks leave and has done diddly squat. Every single day he has slept until after 3pm and nothing has been achieved. We have so many things that need to be done that require us to take leave to get it done, and now that he is on leave he hasn't done any of them.

So any suggestions anyone? Because I am really at the end of my tether once again, and I just don't know what to do.

It is at times like this that I wonder if I am being selfish thinking about bringing a child into this house. Maybe we are infertile for a reason. Maybe this is the big man upstairs way of telling me.

Maybe I am just the only f'd up one in this house.


At 1:41 pm, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

I have so been where you are right now.

It's mainly the lack of sleep talking, and your bad back. I've stuffed my back up too, so I wear a brace all day long now. (And have traction when it gets really bad). I hope you can get some physio etc and some pain relief, because that's the biggest problem.

I would say your husband is well aware of all the things that need doing around the house, but he's reverting to adolescence and staying up late and sleeping all day. He probably will get around to doing stuff, when there's a couple of days left

I am totally with you - there's no point in him coming to bed at 5.30 if you have to get up at 6. He may as well stay up and make you breakfast. Put that to him - he can come to bed early and you'll make him breakfast, or he can stay up late and he'll make you breakfast.

If possible, go and stay with some friends just for a little while so that you can get a couple of good night's sleep in a row. Or, book yourself a week at a spa resort where you can get some massage, healthy food, lots of sleep, no telephone etc. Spoil yourself.

And don't for one moment entertain the thought that you're not "meant" to be a parent. Trust me, it doesn't work like that.



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