Thank you

Thank you everyone. It is good to feel that I am not alone in this, that I have friends out there who will hold my hand through this and guide me through, although I was sad to hear that my friends have also gone through this at times.

Things have been okay. Hubbs has worked nightshift for the last couple of nights, which has given me some space. Last night I had dinner at my brother's for this birthday (48!) and nobody there wanted to share the lovely spanish bottle of red I brought with me so I drank the whole bottle!!!! I came home and drank a heap of water and I feel fine today (slept beautifully).

In past cycles (in past years for that matter), I would not drink any alcohol at all - just in case we were pregnant. But so much time has passed, so many failed cycles, that I don't worry about it anymore. It's not like I drink much - Apart from 2 vodka cruisers last weekend I haven't had a drink for about 6 months - if not more. So no worrying that I might turn to the bottle for support - it won't be happening.

I felt very out of place last night - I was the youngest there for most of the evening - the other 4 people there aged between 43 and 60. Despite this I felt like the oldest one there. My brother believes that there is only one volume for the stereo - full boar! Everyone was either discussing events or people they knew way before I was born, or talking about what "phases" they went through - My brother was a "sharpie", then a "rocker" then a "skinhead" during his teenage years. The others went through similar phases. I didn't go through any of those. I mean, there was a while where I wore a denim jacket with brooches on it, and for a few weeks I used to wear shirts with a thin leather tie, but I didn't go through any particular phases like they did.

I took my knitting, but everyone told me that I would feel um.... uncomfortable, pulling it out and working on it. They said it like I was an child considering coloring in public. So I kept it in it's bag, calling softly out to me, and I just sat and drank, watched the clock going towards and past midnight and wishing my sister and her fiance would finally say it was time to go home.

One of my nieces came by for about 30 minutes on her way home from work. She is my youngest niece - a meer 19, and she is so beautiful. She was recently a hair model in a competition, and when she showed us the photos, I thought I was in Paris, and seeing a professional model in action. She has an incredible figure, skinny but still shapely and the most angelic face. OMG she has grown so much in the last year since I have seen her. I cannot believe how beautiful she is on the inside too. It was lovely to see her.

Well sitting here isn't getting my washing done. So I had better get moving.