Saturday, June 17, 2006

The bumpy road

Thanks guys.

I had a terrible night. I wrote my mother in law an email letting her know what was going on. At the end I simply said "I'm sorry". She called me and told me that no matter what, she will always love me. She even said that if one day I kicked Hubbs out, she would still love me and keep in contact (not that that will happen, but you get the drift). The floodgates opened at that point and I couldn't stop crying.

After the phone call I went to bed. I lay in bed crying for hours before I got up and had a chamomile tea while chatting to Eleni (thanks Eleni). The tea and the chat calmed me down enough to go to sleep for a bit. My eyes are very sore this morning though.

Last night I felt a heaviness in my stomach like AF was going to arrive. It doesn't feel so heavy this morning and I have had no cramping and no bleeding.

When Hubbs came home this morning I cried and cried that I was defective and he should just give up and take me to the reject shop and put a "For Sale " sign on me. He refuses to believe that though, and refuses to place any blame on me. He is trying hard to be positive and has told me many times that no matter what happens "we" will be okay and weather whatever storm is out there.

The nausea seems to have gone completely so I get the feeling the doctor is right and it is just a matter of time. A part of me still hopes that my little dot will still be there when we do the next scan, but a part of me is in self preservation mode and steeling myself for the end.

Now I just have to keep busy until I get the answer one way or the other.

Thank you for sticking with me on this journey. Why does the road have to be so bumpy?


At 9:52 am, Blogger vixanne wigg said...

I'm so sorry Bugsy. I hope you are wrong.

Hugs. :(

At 11:02 am, Anonymous eleni said...

i soooo hope you prove the doc wrong and one day in the future we can look back and can laugh about all the unnecesary worry we went through together with our completed family....HUGS

At 11:12 am, Blogger Mony said...

Honestly Bugs, words fail me. Thinking of you.

At 12:13 pm, Blogger VHMPrincess said...

I am so sorry - I hope they are wrong and will be pulling for you guys.

At 1:58 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Maybe your road was built by Tassie convicts hun?

I am holding out hope that everything is fine..It has to be..No one deserves it more then you


At 4:25 pm, Blogger Vee said...

Sending you are big hug Bugsy.

At 7:38 am, Blogger Tara said...

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. My mind has drifted to you a lot today. I hope you're doing alright.

At 7:40 am, Blogger Em said...

I wish I was there to come around and sit with you and just be there.


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