I got another miracle

Last Monday I went and saw my specialist and he gave me the miracle of more chances of conceiving via IVF should this cycle not work. I thought that was enough of a miracle - just that opportunity was more than I ever expected. I felt truly blessed.

So I just had to wait for my period to arrive, then I could get started with the pill and we would be on our way.

On Thursday we had Hubbs' grandmother's funeral, and I was so nervous about it going well, that I just felt ill about it.

On Friday I still felt ill, so at 17 days past ovulation, and with no period, I caved and tested with a Home pregnancy test.

To my surprise it was +. I looked at it twice. No need to squint,. Clearly visible at arms length. Came up in the time period and stayed nice and clear.

I rang Monash and asked for a blood test to confirm what I was seeing - they told me I couldn't get a blood test until Monday morning. I was so scared that what I was seeing was leftover booster HCG shot that I did 8 days prior to testing.
I waited. Saturday came and went - no period, and the nausea remained. Sunday morning I tested and again I got a positive test, and it was darker.

Monday came and I did the blood test.

The results were:

Progesterone: 26.6
HCG (the pregnancy hormone) : 346

I am definately pregnant.

Now the worry begins. I am absolutely terrified of losing this baby. It is almost a year (to the month) that I got pregnant with Tukka. I lost Tukka at 6.5 weeks.

At this stage with Tukka my HCG level was only 109, so I am feeling a little more confident about this pregnancy.

I will be 5 weeks exactly tomorrow. I am due on the 6th February.

Today I feel very very blessed.

I am so happy at being given another chance. But I am scared, and cautious of bonding with this pregnancy.

Please please please please let this baby grow safely. Let him\her breathe air, learn to walk, to talk, to play ball, to knit, to go to school, to have their own life, to die happy and old. I know it is a lot to ask, but please please let me just have this baby, for my very own.

OMG I'm pregnant.

Cautious, scared, but pregnant none the less.