Sunday, June 18, 2006

still here

Hi Guys,

I am still hanging in there, but by a thread I think. Last night my hope revisited when I had a wave of nausea thinking about what to cook for dinner. I then promptly fell asleep and snored for like 3 hours. I went to bed telling my stomach that if you are still in there little one, please fight, please hang on - I can't do this by myself.

Then I woke up today and I feel normal - human - non-pregnant. My bbs are smaller - definately smaller.

I have no cramping, no bleeding, no nothing. I just feel as I used to feel.

It is hard to hang on to hope when you see everything beginning to reverse.

I am going to call monash tomorrow and ask for another HCG level check on Tuesday - that will be a whole week after the last one and should give me a good indication if we are progressing or sliding backwards.

I cannot believe this is happening again. I am numb.

Thank you for holding me up. I think when this really hits me I am going to fall big time. At the moment I am just on automatic. I think I can type this so matter-of-factly for that very reason. I really do not want to fall again. It is very hard getting back up.


At 8:21 am, Anonymous tanjariitta said...

Just happened here by blog surfing today.... Sorry to read about all your trials and tribulations. I have a very dear friend of mine who has also been trying for almost two years now. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions. Just know that someone in Florida is thinking of you. Hang in there.

At 8:24 am, Anonymous Lucy said...

I hadn't been by in a few days, so I didn't know what was going on. Please don't give up ALL hope until you know for sure. I'm so sorry that you're going through this uncertainty right now. I'm thinking about you.

At 12:28 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Babe just know there is many of us here for you. And if the worst happens there are many of us here to catch you if you fall.

I will still hold out hope for you though. I have to..I dont want to think of the other option.


At 9:08 pm, Blogger Betty said...

Bugsy what an awful time this is for you. Hang in there lovie, we are all here to support you. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that everything will be fine.

At 9:20 pm, Blogger Thalia said...

Bugsy I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I do hope that it all turns out ok, but I know how you're feeling right now. Try to hang in there. Can you get in for a scan later this week, too? I'm not sure why they're making you wait 2 weeks.

At 6:46 am, Blogger Em said...

Just keep telling us how you feel so we can support you. Love to you Bugsy.

At 11:10 am, Blogger K|nneret said...

Oh Bugsy, how awful for you. I am so sorry that this keeps happening to you and your husband. Please know you are in my thoughts and I am hoping against hope for good news. *hugs* and much peace to you.

At 12:16 pm, Blogger A New Soul said...

SO sorry to hear that you're in this state of waiting and worry. My prayers are with you. Be hopeful.

At 1:09 pm, Blogger Anita said...

So sorry you are going through the 'unknown' period. It sucks...big time!!!

You are in my prayers.


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