still here

Hi Guys,

I am still hanging in there, but by a thread I think. Last night my hope revisited when I had a wave of nausea thinking about what to cook for dinner. I then promptly fell asleep and snored for like 3 hours. I went to bed telling my stomach that if you are still in there little one, please fight, please hang on - I can't do this by myself.

Then I woke up today and I feel normal - human - non-pregnant. My bbs are smaller - definately smaller.

I have no cramping, no bleeding, no nothing. I just feel as I used to feel.

It is hard to hang on to hope when you see everything beginning to reverse.

I am going to call monash tomorrow and ask for another HCG level check on Tuesday - that will be a whole week after the last one and should give me a good indication if we are progressing or sliding backwards.

I cannot believe this is happening again. I am numb.

Thank you for holding me up. I think when this really hits me I am going to fall big time. At the moment I am just on automatic. I think I can type this so matter-of-factly for that very reason. I really do not want to fall again. It is very hard getting back up.