Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Which one of us is pregnant?

Happy 11weeks little baby. Mummy loves you.

I think so far through this pregnancy I have remained quite calm. No huge hormonal outbursts - nothing. Well that changed yesterday, but I think I have good reason.

Hubbs is being an Ass!

I have been trying to motivate him to start sorting out the baby's room, which is currently full of crap - so full we cannot walk into the room, but just stand at the doorway, gazing over the piles of crap in there.

Hubbs keeps saying "plenty of time - relax about it".

This weekend 3 of my family, at separate times, had a go at him about it. The said things like "it will be here before you realise, so you had better get started", and "can't you see how much you are stressing bugsy out with this room, you need to make her calmer, and once you start on the room she will start relaxing".

None of their little talks had any effect. Now hubbs is still not feeling well from his cold, (neither am I but I am soldiering on regardless), so yesterday morning when he said "I feel too sick to go to work, I think I will stay home and I might potter around on that room", I silently breathed a sigh of relief that he was finally getting started on it. I know he isn't well, and I am happy for him to just potter around - anything as long as he makes a start on it.

Well I got home from work, and not a thing had been done. Not only that but he was fast asleep at the table and nothing I could do could wake him. It took me over an hour of prodding him, shaking him, and talking to him for me to get him to wake up. I nearly called an ambulance because I started getting worried he had taken something. I couldn't see any bottles around him, but I found myself getting very upset, and shaking him saying "Have you taken anything? sleeping tablets or anything?".

Eventually he woke up, and he was shitty with me all night. I could not do a thing right. When I said I had a hankering for fried rice, he shouted "well go on then and get some".

I got very depressed and curled up inside myself as i am known to do. That just made him angrier.

Later he tried to make amends (no - he never said sorry - god forbid), and he made me a hot chocolate. I got up to give him a hug to say thank you, and I knocked his hot chocolate over him, the table cloth and the carpet. He stormed off to the kitchen, came back with paper towel and threw it at me. I spent the next 2 hours, cleaning, on my knees soaking up hot chocolate from the carpet, tears streaming down my face. Hubbs made himself scarce as he was too angry at me.

After removing the tablecloth for washing, I cleaned the table and went and got another tablecloth. I had just placed that on the table when hubbs appeared with the marveer (polish for the table), and yelled "get that off there". I took it off , waited for him to polish the table and then he yelled "well! put the tablecloth on now".

I went to bed after it was all cleaned up - about midnight. I was exhausted. Hubbs came in, gave me a kiss and a cuddle and said gently "why are you crying? everything is okay". "I am crying because I can't do anything right" I said, through the tears. Hubbs then told me that he is just grumpy, that the hot chocolate was an accident and not to worry about anything.

I still feel a bit down today about it all. Most of me is angry at him - I mean, dammit - I am the pregnant one - all the books at this stage say that daddies need to be extra nice to the mummies as they are going through a hormonal stage. He is definately the hormonal one out of both of us.

I asked him last night if this baby was too much for him to cope with. He asked what on earth made me think that. I told him that he seems to be ignoring the fact we are pregnant. He isn't being nice to me. No special treatment - nothing (unless you count carrying something if I ask him to). he doesn't seem interested on getting started with the room, and I wondered if he was just getting cold feet. He assured me that he wants nothing more than to see this baby. He just isn't feeling so well at the moment, and that comes out in his mood.

Well Hubbs - I'm sorry - but you are still an Ass.


At 9:27 am, Blogger Mony said...


You should be getting the royal treatment from Hubbs. Your honesty is beautiful & I will never tsk tsk or tell you "I would never put up with that" or "You should have made him clean up that hot chocolate himself" because truthfully, I live with an unpredictable man too. And I hate feeling like people judge my weakness or strength because of HIS behaviour.
I know he loves me & I know I love him but he can be mean and bossy & grouchy sometimes & I can cry myself to sleep wishing I had that perfect, senstive, model husband that every other woman seems to have.
Maybe like mine, your husband isn't great at coping. Maybe he's moody, wants some attention too..... maybe you know it's a moment that will pass & soon he'll get motivated, get baby's room ready & treat you like a pregnant godess (and occasionally be an ass just for good measure)
Men are from Mars honey, don't we know it.

At 10:13 am, Blogger Bugsy said...

Thanks Mony - you described the situation exactly. He isn't abusive or anything - he just gets really mean and grumpy if he is sick or tired. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me and I certainly love him, but he can be a pig to live with sometimes. I too cry myself to sleep sometimes wishing he was more like those perfect husbands other women seem to have.

But he isn't perfect - he is himself and I can never "make" him do anything. I can't make him be someone he isn't.

95% of the time he is exactly the man I want him to be. But I can't control the rest of it - nor do I really want to. I want him to be himself, not some Ken doll who does only what I say. Unfortunately that means taking the bad with the good.

I just wish Mars was a little closer to Venus - just for a while.

Thanks for listening and not judging.

At 7:15 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi bugsy. Have just found your blog and read back to your comments re your hubby getting nasty. I had one of those once and while he could not be defined as physically abusive, it was definitely emotional abuse. I was on tenterhooks when he was in a bad mood, worrying about doing the things that he would perceive to be wrong. Talk to him when he is in a good mood and try to get to the bottom of it - it isn't your fault and shouldn't be made to be the case. Jane.


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