Friday, August 04, 2006

1 row forward, 2 rows back

I did some knitting tonight - I did one row of Hubb's jumper, and about 8 stitches from the end I accidentally dropped a couple of stitches, which cascaded down the rows. I thought I would be smart and just fix it up, but I stuffed it up good and proper. In the end I knitted back two rows and managed to fix it up there. So now, after an hour, I have ended up one row less than I started with an hour ago.

At this rate I will unravel not only this jumper but his other jumpers by sometime next week.

I am feeling okay - still dizzy but I do think it is a little better. Family members started calling me today to see how we are. They said that it took a week to contact me to see how we were because they were so upset about us losing the baby. They also knew I would be too upset to speak to them, and they knew me well. I have hid away from everyone I know (except you guys).

A friend called me on Wednesday and wanted to come have lunch with me on Thursday. I panicked and felt I couldn't breathe. I really did not want to see anyone. In the end I told her straight that i just didn't want to see anyone right now. Thankfully she understood.

I am not sure how I am going to manage going to work on Monday. I think I am going to have to just go, and see how I manage. If I have to, I will come home again, but I think I need to push myself before I find I am unable to leave the house or something like that. I can see how easy it would be to stay home all the time and only interact with the outside world via this computer.

Hubbs was home with me today - we had a really nice day together. We have even laughed together. Not a second goes by when I don't think about my baby, but somewhere inside me I have a teeny bit of strength to help get me through.


At 2:42 am, Blogger Kris said...

I usually have better luck going to work than being social. At work I can usually focus on something other than me. Being social, people want to talk about what's going on in each other's lives.

Good luck on Monday.

At 9:51 am, Blogger Procrastiknitter said...

I think you're going to be ok. Especially when you have work that HAS to be done. Plus, as Kris said, other people will have their work to do too!

At 11:04 am, Anonymous Leoni (EB) said...

Hi hun,

Popping in to see how things are going. I think you've been incredibly brave so far, yes you've cried (I mean who wouldn't) but you are moving forward little by little. Oh the dreaded work is looming huh, I think you will do great, or should I rephrase that and say the best you can do under the circumstances. I spent my first day of work holed up in the ladies toilet for half the day, yup you guessed it I was crying. Actually cried at the drop of a hat, even if someone said so much as hello to me. In the end I got through the day, and the next and so on and so on. It will be good to focus on something that needs to be done, it won't make you forget but it will allow you to cope with the grieving process. Just take each day at a time and remember not to put too much expectations on yourself. Its not a crime to cry in public and if anyone has a problem with it "stuff em". As you know from previous experience, you'll have your good days and bad days and eventually the good will outweigh the bad. Seding lots of "strenght" vibes your way. Big {{{HUGS}}} from me,

At 2:11 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Bugger about the knitting...Lets hope that Hubs keeps his other jumpers by the end of next week! lol

Work will probably be hard on Monday sweetie but you are strong enough..You have proven that over and over again.



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