It appears I will live after all.

hey guys - thanks for sticking with me on this one.

I am doing better I think. Yesterday stupid idiot me checked out the appointment card the specialist gave me only to realise my appointment with his is for the 7th not the 2nd. Feeling as I did that there was something amiss, I called his office anyhow and described to the nurse what I was feeling. He wasn't available (he was in surgery) but she strongly suggested that I go straight to my GP and that the GP could call him out of surgery should it be serious enough.

So I called my GP and got an appointment immediately and went to see her. She had no idea we had lost the baby so I had the fabulous job of tell her. I did really well and although I welled up, I managed to tell her without crying.

She checked my blood pressure and said that although it was a little low, it was still in the normal range. But she did say I did look pale and a little anaemic. So to be save she did a full urine analysis and bloodwork - results will be in on Saturday. Initial tests on my urine did not show any indication of infection although she did detect a little bit of blood in it.

She told me to go home and rest. Funny thing was that I came home, and I have started bleeding again. I had stopped bleeding on Sunday, but now it is back. Perhaps that is why I have felt so bad - perhaps the blood was trapped in there and now it is coming out.?

The dizziness is a little better today. I got up and decided I needed, above all else some retail therapy, so I went to the shops for an hour, bought some yarn (shown below), and then came home to rest. Good news is that I can knit again as I have worked out that I just need to hold my needles up higher, and negate the need to look down - no dizziness!

The yarn I bought: The Bottom green pack - Riot arts and crafts shop are selling this mint fluffy yarn (like feathers) for 47 cents a ball, so I grabbed a pack of 10. I bought 2 balls of Hot Socks (one in a blue\green\white colorway, and one in blue\black\white colorway), and one ball of pastel varigated "twirly whirly" like a feathers but twisted - noice. I plan on using the twirly whirly for the tops of more booties.



With feeling a little better comes a degree of guilt. I remember feeling like this when we lost the last baby. You start feeling better, but then you feel guilty for feeling better, like somehow you are disrespecting your baby by not being sad all the time. Then you beat yourself up for feeling guilty as you know that you are not disrespecting your baby - that you will always remember, always wish your baby was with you, and you know you have a right not to be sad all the time. I know all this but it doesn't stop me going through the emotions.

Well I had better go back to the couch for some more resting (since I was naughty and went out). Hope you are all well. Thinking of you all.

p.s. Thank you to all the people who have commented that have never commented before. It is lovely knowing you are there. I am sorry that so many of you have been through this pain. Perhaps together we can support each other and get each other through this pain. Our babies are never forgotten - they live with us in our hearts.