Back from the OB

5 years of trying,

3 miscarriages,

many years of sadness

lots of pain.

But today we saw something we have never seen before

We saw wiggling feet.

We saw waving hands

We saw bubs roll over.

Doc was fantastic. She is so lovely. The only scan machine she has is the one on the top of the tummy, and so we didn't get a great picture. Before we started she said "now if we can't see bubs it doesn't mean bubs is not there - it just means we can't get close enough with the tummy scan to see it" (because of the fat I am sporting there) and I started to cry a little - the strain of it all getting to me.

She immediately took both her hands and framed my face and said "I am sure everything is going to be okay. I will do my best to show you your baby".

We couldn't get a really great picture but she said the gestational sac size was good. Then I saw the wiggling and I said "is that wiggling?" and she said "well spotted - yes that looks like feet".

10 more minutes of manauevering around showed us waving hands, a head, and a flickering heartbeat, but her equipment can't determine heart rate. She was happy with it all and said everything looked really good to her.

My blood pressure was a little elevated but only just borderline high. I think we know why that is!

So now we have some blood tests to get organised, and the 12 week scan in 2 weeks exactly.

Thank you all so much for sticking by me. Thank you for all your comments and help. It means the world to me.

Nook - I still wear my rose quartz bracelet every single day - i still love it.

Manuela - thank you so much for your words. I know exactly what you mean. Because I know Leeanne didn't mean it the way it sounded I didn't take offence. She hasn't been through what we have been through, but she never meant any harm. I also understand though that I could easily have taken that the wrong way and blamed myself if something had gone wrong, but you know, I will always blame myself anyway, no matter what.

It is so hard this infertility business - and I know I have said things in the past that I am sure would have upset people.

I will try not to worry from now on. Perhaps now I can go to the 12 week scan actually looking forward to it.

p.s. tomorrow would have been Jaydens EDD. So it is definately an emotional time for everything at the moment.

Thank god today went the way it did.

Mummy loves you little bub.

10w3d