Thursday, February 01, 2007

The rollercoaster of fears

1 hour ago I was sitting here, poking my boobs when I thought nobody was looking, just to see if they were still tender. The nausea has been slight today and I only dry retched once this morning before it faded.

Now, I am sitting here sipping water trying not to throw up. Thank you body. I really needed some reassurance before the doubting crept up to me and you didn't let me down.

It seems to come in waves, not lasting long, but always leaving just a hint of queasiness in the background.

Nearly Friday. 10 weeks tomorrow. Monday afternoon I see the OB and I hope she will grant my wish for a scan in her rooms just to make sure bubs is still alive. I need to know. Sadly I am already juggling work around just in case I am not in after Monday for a while.

Bad stuff happens. More specifically, bad stuff happens to me.

I am emotional too today. I can't stop crying over nothing. An email reminded me of my parents and today I can't stop thinking about them. I miss them so very much, with every essence of my being. (it took me over 30 minutes just to write this paragraph cause I kept welling up and I don't want to cry again at work.).

On the good news front last night i looked at my sleeping husband and realised I love him so much that my heart is just overflowing. We haven't had a fight in such a long time (with the exception of me yelling at him to get out of bed on the weekend), and we are just so happy. Later he woke and came and hugged me and told me just how happy he is. He has even started softly smiling as he calls me Mummy and I respond with "Yes Daddy? Can I do something for you?" It is very cute. The strain of ttcing constantly has been lifted and we are back to just being happy and content together.

Take care all.

9w6d

9 Comments:

At 12:57 pm, Blogger Lesley said...

OMG...OMG...OMG...Congratulations Bugsy, no one deserves this baby more than you... I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU HON...
Thanks for not giving up on me, I am sorry I made you worry so much.. I promise I will try not to let it happen again.
Wish I could sit and read your whole Blog right now...
Have a spewful day.
Love and huggles, Lesley

 
At 2:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not too much longer for that scan, dear. Hope all is well and your fears are relieved.

I've gotten rather good at sneakily feeling my boobs to see if I've developed any symptoms...

 
At 2:19 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Bugsy , Don't know if you remember me I was in your very first TTC group on EB yrs ago Reneej I have been following your story for a long time and I have been sending you tons off prayers along the way for you to get your bub, wishing you all the best for your Ob Visit on Monday , big hugs

Renee

 
At 3:05 pm, Anonymous Eleni said...

gotta love that nausea hey? i'll be 5 weeks tommorow...here's to countign dowm together :) HUGS

 
At 5:44 pm, Blogger Katt said...

ooooooh I am so looking forward to Monday with everything crossed..

Hope you keep feeling ill ;-)

Katt

 
At 9:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember me Bugsy ? hun Congratulations my dear friend its been a long time since ive seen you around, I have everything and I mean everything crossed for you and your Lovely dh C..

your parents will be proud of you hun
I wish i could give you a cuddle.

take care my friend from shell and josh and mike

 
At 9:49 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are nauseous, lol! That is great! Can't wait to hear about your scan on Monday. I will be praying she gives you a quick peek!

 
At 10:43 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats a beautiful post Bugsy. I'm so happy for you guys, you deserve this so much. I hope Monday comes fast, and that you get to see your little squirmer waving back at you, and that you have a symptom filled weekend!

 
At 12:04 pm, Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

What a beautiful post.
May you always be as happy as you are today.
I will be thinking of you on Monday, holding my breath right along with you both.
Take care sweet.
Love always Me x

 

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