Sunday, February 18, 2007

D-Day approaches

So here we are. 1 day before my 12 week scan.

Tomorrow is significant for a number of reasons. 1) hopefully my baby will be alive, and have beaten all my other babies in getting this far 2) if everything is okay, then tomorrow also marks the point where the rate of miscarriage drops off 3) tomorrow I should also get the down's test score (that is, you know, if the baby is still alive).

I know you all think I should be more positive going into this scan. Believe me, I have tried to be positive. Every second of every day, I try. But after three miscarriages, the last being detected at the 12 week scan when I was sure everything was okay, I am really struggling to be positive about this baby.

I see the differences between this pregnancy and the last. With Jayden I never had any morning sickness at all, and what symptoms I did have, dropped off almost entirely after around 10 weeks. With this baby I still have lots of symptoms - they really haven't wavered. Only this morning I was dry retching after breakfast. My boobs are still swollen and full and very tender. I am so tired that I really need a nana nap every day, although most days I just don't get the chance (mainly when I am at work).

Despite all this, and despite only 2 weeks ago seeing a wiggling baby, I am very scared about tomorrow. I can't help but remember how it felt when they told me Jayden had died. I just don't know I can go through that again. I really do not want to go there again.

please let everything be okay tomorrow.

p.s. My scan is at 12:30. I doubt I will be home anytime before 2pm (melbourne time), so don't panic if you don't hear from me straight away.

12w2d

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17 Comments:

At 10:29 am, Anonymous Lucy said...

Fingers crossed that your little one will be waving at you tomorrow ...

 
At 11:01 am, Blogger three minute palaver said...

Bugsy, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow lunchtime and hoping you get more great news. I really understand your fears and don't have any assvice about how to keep them at bay. I'm struggling with the fears on a daily basis too. Goodluck with everything :)

 
At 11:48 am, Blogger Vee said...

Good luck tomorrow Bugsy !

 
At 1:16 pm, Blogger Katt said...

I know its hard to be positive. No one expects you to be all the time. After all, you have gone through a lot of heartache.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow at noon..

Dont forget Ragan!!! SMS me..

I really hope there is lots of little wiggles happening for you and the downs test score is what its meant to be for a healthy baby.

Katt

P.S My word verification for this comment is nllwifat...(sounds like a weight loss drug!!! lol)

 
At 3:33 pm, Anonymous Lucie said...

All the very best of luck for tomorrow Bugsy, I will have my fingers crossed for you all day and be sending lots and lots of wiggly baby vibes.

 
At 4:07 pm, Blogger Rodders said...

Good luck Bugsy, I will be thinking of you!

 
At 6:58 pm, Anonymous Leoni said...

Hi Bugsy,

I'll have every body part crossed for you tomorrow and will be sending positive/healthy/sticky vibes your way. I'll also beg the big Man upstairs to PLEASE let this be the one for you.

Will be biting my nails till you report in, lots of strength and hugs sent your way.
cheers,
Leoni

 
At 8:02 pm, Blogger Thalia said...

Hoping very hard for you, Bugsy.

 
At 8:14 pm, Blogger Meg said...

I'll be thinking of you, Bugsy.

 
At 10:03 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will be thinking of you and my fingers will be crossed as well and maybe my toes, eyes and anything else i can cross.

-Shawnee

 
At 11:07 pm, Blogger metal and knit said...

My thoughts and prayers for a healthy bub are with you.

 
At 12:03 am, Anonymous Jessica said...

Good luck! I have my first ultrasound on Tuesday to check for heartbeat. I'm very nervous! I've had 3 very early losses, so I've never made it this far either. Anyway, I think it is ok to be cautious in our optimism. I'll be wishing the best for you!

 
At 8:46 am, Blogger Steff said...

good luck thinking of you

 
At 9:40 am, Blogger Bumble said...

Good Luck today, your symptoms sound very promising, I'm sure everything will be fine...

 
At 9:49 am, Anonymous Jac said...

Good luck today. Am hoping with everything I have that all will be OK

Jac
xoxo

 
At 1:07 pm, Blogger K|nneret said...

Keeping you in my thoughts! Update asap, please.

 
At 1:59 pm, Blogger Drew said...

Fingers crossed for you Bugsy! I wish for you nothing but good news for tomorrow!

 

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