Tuesday, February 06, 2007

R.I.P. Jayden

Jayden,

Toady my little man was your expected due date (EDD). We had such plans for you my little love.

With you we were confident of the pregnancy. We were happy and content that everything was okay. Although we had had a spot of bleeding at 6 weeks, we saw you and your great heartbeat at 8 weeks and everything had been perfect after that. We had no indication anything was wrong with you.

At 10 weeks my pregnancy symptoms started dropping off and I worried a little but since I had no bleeding or cramping I assumed this was normal. And I believed in you, and my ability to care for you.

We went to that 12 week scan excited to see you. We got a video to tape your movements and we eagerly awaited our chance to see you again.

But the moment she started the scan I knew something was wrong. You were still and I knew that was wrong. I started crying. Then we heard the words I never want to hear again. "I'm sorry , but I don't have good news for you today".

Jayden - Mummy and Daddy were so very sad to see you go. Mummy cried all that night. She cried all the way to the hospital the next day. She cried every step of the way, and was still crying when they gave her the sedative to put her into a deep sleep. Jayden - did you hear me say "Goodbye my love - I will never forget you" just before I slept?

I promise you my sweet - I will never ever forget my brave little man, who just could not make it in this world but tried so hard to get there.

We have been looking for the perfect thing for you my love, and last weekend we found this which made me cry as soon as I saw it. The charm at the bottom says "Forever in my thoughts" which we thought suited you really well. I hope you like it.

Mummy has shed a lot of tears today for you my little lost boy. Daddy and Mummy had lots of cuddles and tears remembering you and what today stood for.

I am currently carrying your little brother or sister, and I will make sure they know about you and your other brothers and sisters.

We will never forget you - you will be forever in our hearts.

Love you.

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6 Comments:

At 9:37 pm, Blogger Katt said...

oh hun I am so sorry. BIGGEST hugs to you today.

I know Buggy Butt will help you remember Jayden, Tukka and the first one when its old enough.

Take care of yourself today.

Katt

 
At 10:05 pm, Blogger Drew said...

Bugsy - your post about your little boy Jayden made me cry. The baby you are now carrying will live in his/her's brother's honour and I pray for a happy outcome for you and a beautiful baby in a little more than six months time.

And I am not trying to be mean, but I wish for you all the lovely nausea, bloating, often painful (but amusing) baby kicks, constipation (!), the `oh my god nothing fits me anymore cause I gained so much weight' ... all the `delightful' pregnancy symptoms that comes with a healthy baby in the end. Hugs to you my friend.

 
At 11:53 pm, Blogger Gil said...

I too have shed a tear today for Jayden. May he rest in peace and may Bubs know about the brother that went before him/her. My thoughts are with you today. And may tomorrow be bright for you all.

 
At 11:48 am, Blogger Bumble said...

Hey Bugsy, I'm so sorry. That was a beautiful post to your little Jayden. And I'm sure he did hear what you said to him.

And I'm so happy that your scan went so well and that your little one wiggled around for you.

 
At 3:32 pm, Blogger Robin said...

Thinking about and prying for you and your little one in heaven.

 
At 7:29 pm, Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

Thinking of you all.
Danielle.

 

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