Monday, April 07, 2008

up days and down days

I have a lot of up days and a lot of down days lately. Mum in law is still very sick and a real drain. Today's drama was that she didn't feel up to driving to her support group, and the guy that runs it offered to pick her up and drop her home again but her hubby suggested that this guy might attack her or something. Once that thought (as ludicrous as it was) was in her head, she couldn't let it go and called me for advice. Even after I said "this guy is not going to attack you" she decided she couldn't risk it and wouldn't go.

But it has been worse. She has called the crisis line several times now and I have been called over with her talking about suicide. One second she wants to divorce her husband and the next she is scared he will die and she will be all alone. There is no pleasing her or predicting what is going to happen next and i cringe every time the phone rings. I also cringe when I know I have to call to see how she is, yet I know I have to call and make sure she is okay. I have been trying to organise respite care for her husband so she can go to a retreat to relax but she wants to go to a retreat only if her family can come too. (ain't going to happen!). There is more but I don't have the energy today to tell you all about it.

Today as you might have worked out is a bit of a down day for me. Everywhere I look i have things i desperately need to do. Bottles to wash, kitchen to clean up, vaccuuming, etc I am trying to get some things listed on ebay and get rid of them out of my house. I have baskets of washing to put away, and even more to do. It just never seems to get done. (Of course if I did some of instead of blogging it might not be so bad - lol).

Visiting my family yesterday was a complete disaster. If anything, if just reinforced how alone I am. They don't care about Alex one little bit. No interest in talking to him, holding him or playing with him. They never once asked anything about him, or hubbs and I, or the shop or anything really. They just wanted to talk about themselves. If I even said anything, i got interrupted with something they are doing etc. The crunch was when they got a phone call from a friend who invited herself to dinner and then said "is that a baby I hear? make sure it is gone before I get there because I hate babies" - my niece then relayed the message and everyone laughed. I started packing up Alex's things , said "tell her we will be gone by then" , picked Alex up and left.

Alex my darling - you have a mummy and daddy who love and adore you very much. You have a heap of internet people who love you. You don't need them that don't care about you at all. You deserve better my love.
Alex playing with Oscar - they are starting to become really good friends (as long as Alex doesn't grab his fur too hard).

Finally some pics from yesterday - Alex fighting sleep (even then you are so handsome!).

5 minutes later:

ok off to wash bottles. Maybe if I get something achieved I might feel a little better.

Take care all.

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At 4:52 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bugsy, I know your feeling all too well though I am blessed in the way that my father rings me on rare occasions. Again this year as it is every year not one of my family remembered Ayden's birthday. Steven's Dad and sister did and Steven's ex- mother and father in law did. How bad is that, that my family can't remember Ayden but my hubby's ex-in-laws can! Try hard not to let it get you down, though I know how you feel.
Luv and hugs to you.. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you.

At 7:03 pm, Blogger Mony said...

We love Alex and we love YOU.

At 7:28 pm, Blogger Shellandjosh said...

Bugsy, Awww hun Im sorry that they do that.. Alex is gorgeous and IM sorry that your going through so much with your MIL...

Alex you have plenty of people that care and want to know about you, the most important thing is that you have a wonderful mummy and a daddy who loves you more than words could possiably describe sweet boy that all that matters..

Bugsy, remember no matter how hard it is right now just look at your boy and concentrate on yourself, your gorgeous boy and your hubby and that will make you feel so much better..

I hope tomorrow brings you a much better day..

You get through your own things.. Try and not put too much pressure on yourself hey?

Talk soon hey

shell and Josh..

At 8:00 pm, Blogger Bugsy said...

Lesley - your family sounds as bad as mine. how do you explain to Ayden why they didn't remember? I would love to slap them - Ayden is such a good kid. He deserves better.

Mony - thanks darls - we love you and Cooper too!

Shell - you make so much sense. I miss our chats you know darls. Hope everything is going well for you and Mike and Josh. You are right - I will get through this - you know how tough I am (takes one to know one!). Thanks.

At 8:25 am, Blogger Shellandjosh said...

Bugsy, I do too miss our chats and I know how strong you are you are definitely a strong girl.

We are going fine, still have my ups and downs but doing okay.. Josh is at my collar bone thast is freaking me out he be taller than me very soon..

Hang in there hun, You can always rely on your friends..



At 10:49 pm, Blogger LL said...

holy crap, bugs... they sound horrid! As the old saying goes, "you can pick your friends, but not your family"... are you sure you weren't adopted at birth???

At 1:24 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hugs to you Bugsy,
Hope your having a much sunnier day today..
Luv Lesley

At 2:08 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I send hugs too Bugs! Some people are so thoughtless and rude!

Take care,

At 6:11 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Biggest hugs to you hun!! And sorry for those times I add to your bad days :( I know..just slap me

I adore you and Alex. And my life would be totally lost without your voice of reason and ear for me to bend and cry to.

We internet folk are the family you pick and lets face it...You picked a great family! We love you and alex heaps.

At 6:11 pm, Blogger Mrs_Pants said...

Alex is one of the cutest little guys I've seen in the longest time. He really is!!! I love to look at the pictures you post of him. He's a little sunbeam.

It can get you down when you look around your house and feel like you've not made a dent in all the work around you even though you've been cleaning the house for ages. When you are pulled in different directions, as you (and I) are, it can make it seem even more of a downer.

I think you're amazing with your MIL.

At 9:21 pm, Blogger OvaGirl said...

Sorry Bugsy to read this. They sound awful. But these comments say it all, a hell of a lot of people do care about you and Alex and want the very best for you all. Take care. xx

At 12:10 am, Blogger Bugsy said...

Thanks again guys,

Since this post my MIL has been worse but another post on that one! lol (ohh if only channel 10 paid me for this saga).

LL - I sooooo wish I was adopted. Actually I very nearly bought a bib tonight for Alex that said "Holy crap - are these really my relatives?" - Hubbs really wanted me to get it. lol

Lesley - yeah today is a little better - thank you!

Rachel - thank you for the hugs - hugs back!

Katt - you know I adore you too - and your problems are a great distraction to me (even though I wish you didn't have those problems!) Stay sane otherwise I am in serious doggy doo doo.

Mrs. Pants - Thank you - I have to admit being a little bias when it comes to my boy - i think he is adorable too and can't get enough of that cuteness! One day I plan on being rich enough to have a bigger house with a maid (Ha! in my dreams). btw - i am not great with my MIL - in fact I feel incredibly guilty that I am not better with her than what I am. I really should give her more time than I can and i really don't call her enough. i have been feeling quite guilty about that lately. (sigh - another post on that one coming up) but thank you for saying it anyway.

Ovagirl - Thank you! I do feel incredibly blessed with this family that I have chosen (thanks Katt).

Group hug!

Come on - you know you want to!

At 8:27 am, Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

What a hard time for you Sis...

You have a heart of pure gold amd I am so blessed to have met you in real life....

How horrible of that woman to say must of felt awful picking up Alex's things and leaving.....

Try not to let it bother you too are so better then that...

Love you all x

At 8:27 pm, Blogger Sassy said...

Oh God, what a nightmare. You are such a angel for what you're doing with your in-laws. I hope hubs gets you something brilliant for mother's day, you've truly earned with everything this year.

And please don't feel alone. There are many people who care about you and know you're a brilliant woman. Hang in there.


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