up days and down days

I have a lot of up days and a lot of down days lately. Mum in law is still very sick and a real drain. Today's drama was that she didn't feel up to driving to her support group, and the guy that runs it offered to pick her up and drop her home again but her hubby suggested that this guy might attack her or something. Once that thought (as ludicrous as it was) was in her head, she couldn't let it go and called me for advice. Even after I said "this guy is not going to attack you" she decided she couldn't risk it and wouldn't go.

But it has been worse. She has called the crisis line several times now and I have been called over with her talking about suicide. One second she wants to divorce her husband and the next she is scared he will die and she will be all alone. There is no pleasing her or predicting what is going to happen next and i cringe every time the phone rings. I also cringe when I know I have to call to see how she is, yet I know I have to call and make sure she is okay. I have been trying to organise respite care for her husband so she can go to a retreat to relax but she wants to go to a retreat only if her family can come too. (ain't going to happen!). There is more but I don't have the energy today to tell you all about it.

Today as you might have worked out is a bit of a down day for me. Everywhere I look i have things i desperately need to do. Bottles to wash, kitchen to clean up, vaccuuming, etc I am trying to get some things listed on ebay and get rid of them out of my house. I have baskets of washing to put away, and even more to do. It just never seems to get done. (Of course if I did some of instead of blogging it might not be so bad - lol).

Visiting my family yesterday was a complete disaster. If anything, if just reinforced how alone I am. They don't care about Alex one little bit. No interest in talking to him, holding him or playing with him. They never once asked anything about him, or hubbs and I, or the shop or anything really. They just wanted to talk about themselves. If I even said anything, i got interrupted with something they are doing etc. The crunch was when they got a phone call from a friend who invited herself to dinner and then said "is that a baby I hear? make sure it is gone before I get there because I hate babies" - my niece then relayed the message and everyone laughed. I started packing up Alex's things , said "tell her we will be gone by then" , picked Alex up and left.

Alex my darling - you have a mummy and daddy who love and adore you very much. You have a heap of internet people who love you. You don't need them that don't care about you at all. You deserve better my love.
Alex playing with Oscar - they are starting to become really good friends (as long as Alex doesn't grab his fur too hard).

Finally some pics from yesterday - Alex fighting sleep (even then you are so handsome!).

5 minutes later:



ok off to wash bottles. Maybe if I get something achieved I might feel a little better.

Take care all.