Tuesday, April 12, 2005

How do you tell the infertiles that you are pregnant?

Firstly, thank you to all of you for your comments re my knitting. I can't believe so many people are into knitting. It is so cool.

anyway, onto today's post:

A friend smsed me yesterday and asked me to call her. I did and she told me the wonderful news that she is pregnant. How lovely is this woman - she didn't want me to hear about it by reading it on some baby site.

This friend and I met on a baby website, and now that we no longer really go to that site, we chat on msn when we can and when she is in Melbourne, we try to make a point of catching up (so far we have only done this once). She has been through the same trials and tribulations of getting pregnant.

I know it is really hard to know what to do when you do get pregnant - how do you tell the infertiles around you? She tried really hard to do it in such a way so that I wouldn't be hurt and I really do appreciate that.

So how do you tell the people around you who are also suffering? The ones who you know get upset at the mere hint of babies being born to everyone else except for them?

I am really happy for her. As much as part of me is hurting inside, it isn't because of her. I am so happy that her dream is (hopefully) going to finally come true. I so wish her all the very very best.


At 2:27 pm, Blogger DeadBug said...

Sounds like your friend did a perfectly thoughtful job of it. I wish the fertiles were half as considerate!


At 5:39 pm, Blogger Lesley said...

How weird is that. Last night I was lying there unable to sleep again! and I started thinking that myself. I have a few really close ttc friends and I know I would make sure they got an e-mail off me before I announced it to any board. I would want to let them know before everyone else as they would be more upset if they found out from a board or forum. I know it would be hard and it would make me a little sad to have to tell them because as soon as you get pregnant it is like all the years and months you have been trying mean nothing to them and you are suddenly alienated even if they don't mean to. I am thinking that way anyway. I am sure it will be different when my time comes, well I hope but some poeple refuse to read my blog because I have a cjild already. That's how funny infertility can turn some people. all I can say is I would break the news gently but try not to feel to guilty about getting pregnant before them as it has been such a long time coming and I am sure they would feel the same. I know I would try to still be there for them and not mention my pregnancy to them if I could help it or unless they asked so I could remain sensitive and show that I really do care about them getting their wish as well. Hope your having a great day and I think your friend was nice about it. Someone has to be first!

At 10:11 pm, Blogger Blue said...

I have not been in the position to tell anyone that I am pregnant but I wanted to give props to my SIL for the way they told us of their expected little one. SIL and I both have Endo and were trying at the same time. I was hopefull for them, my only wish was that I not hear a pg announcement when they were home for Christmas. BIL called to talk to DH in early December and I knew the minute I heard the answering machine message that he just called to "chit-chat" that they had news. They called to tell DH so that he could break it to me gently, which he did. I was thrilled for them and sad for myself and I wrote my SIL a note of gratitude for thinking of me that way. The baby is due in June and I can't wait to meat my new nephew.

At 10:31 pm, Anonymous leah said...

It took Husband and I 28 months before we successfully conceived. We didn't tell most of our friends we were trying and one person in particular would always make snarky remarks like, "Oh you're so lucky you don't have kids... we never get to go to to the movies."

Anyway, I think she handled herself as well as she could and was as gentle and thoughtful as possible. I agree in that I wish everyone were as thoughtful.

*note: came via Katt :)

At 7:39 am, Blogger Bugsy said...

Hi guys, thanks for dropping by. Yes I do think my friend really did try to do it the very best way. She knows that no matter what she says, my reaction will be a mix of overwhelming love for her and happiness, and a little bit of sadness as I mourn my own inability to conceive.

I can't tell you how pleased I am for her, and after her past loses, I have my fingers firmly crossed that this bub remains firmly in place for a good 8.5 months.


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