Wednesday, December 14, 2005

step by step

Thanks guys,

I feel a little better today. Not much mind you, but at least I have stopped crying. That has to be a step, doesn't it?

I woke in the middle of the night crying and called Hubbs (who was at work), and left him a sobbing message telling him how much I love him and how sorry I am that I have failed him once again.

He came home this morning and gave me lots of cuddles. Unfortunately, we didn't have much time together as only 30 minutes after he got home I had to leave for work, but it was nice. He is back on nightshift tonight but that is the last nightshift for a while (until the new year). I can't wait to have him to myself for a little longer than 30 minutes.

I don't quite know how I feel today. I guess numb may be the right word. Numb was how I felt when my boss came to tell me that his life is about to change when his wife gives birth in about 8 weeks. Reminding me once again that Tukka was due just 11 days after they are due. I should be there too. My belly should be large and round becauce Tukka is there, safe and sound, not just because I am fat.

Yes his life is about to change. Mine stays the same. Well that is not entirely true. Every failure changes me just a little bit. Every month that goes by heralds more pain at what I am missing.

But some good news on a day where I am feeling low. Remember me saying I had one more friend to give birth before this year is up? Well my darling friend Net gave birth to a bouncing baby boy late yesterday afternoon.

His name is "Harry William", a lovely strong name for a handsome boy. Can't wait to see the pictures.

Better go, I have a heap of pressies to wrap - including a little parcel for Net's new little boy.

Take care everyone.


At 9:34 pm, Blogger Thalia said...

So sorry that this cycle was a bust for you. But remember you haven't failed your husband. This isn't your fault. I know it's hard, I know. I'm glad you got the hugs you deserved.

At 11:03 pm, Blogger betty said...

It sucks when hubby is on nightshift at times like this. I too discovered a failed cycle today and am finding solace in cyber space as A.M is at work. He left me crying. I tried not to cry so he wouldn't feel bad but it didn't work. He has rung to check on me but I need a cuddle so I know how you feel.

At 10:32 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Minute by minute ok then when you are strong enough hour by hour.
D xx

At 2:29 am, Blogger Patty said...

Good Morning from cold, freezing, Ohio. It's snowing again, we're to get possibly up to five inches on top of what we already have, and between what we had and what is now falling is a thin layer of ice from very early this morning.
Such is life in Ohio this time of year.

So glad your spirits are up. Holidays can sometimes get people down, on top of everything else you have been going through. Perhaps the new year will hold great things for you.

More later.

At 12:46 pm, Blogger DeadBug said...

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work, Bugsy. I'm hoping so much that you get some of the luck you deserve in the new year.

Best to you,

The Other Bugs

At 8:11 pm, Blogger Mama Mouse said...

Oh Bugsy, I'm so sorry. Sometimes life just isn't fair. Hugs and much love to you!

At 12:01 am, Blogger Katt said...

Oh hun. I am so sorry. Huge hugs to you my beautiful friend.

Hope you spend lots of time with Hubs over the Chrissie time.

Take care Hun



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