Still alive

Thank you my sweet friends. Whether you were giving me some advice (and I did appreciate it all), or just commented to let me know you were there, it felt good that I had someone to talk to about this stuff. In real life, it is hard to discuss this sort of stuff with anyone.

Since the night known as black Friday (or what the hell was I thinking wandering around the neighbourhood practically naked at 2am night), a lot has happened.

Saturday I let hubbs sleep - hoping he would not be tired that night. We finally succeeded that night in our babydancing quest, but it took us several hours and I very nearly said "forget it!". But we did manage it.

Sunday night wasn't so great. Hubbs tried his best but at 3:30am I cracked it big time and told him to just forget it. He rolled over, gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry. Are you okay about this?" and I said, with a straight face "I'm fine". Inside I was screaming "NOOOOOO I am not F'n okay with this. I do painful injections, am still black and blue, horrible violating ultrasounds, and suffer from blood tests, and You can't do the one F'n thing you need to do - ARrrgghghhhh"

He soon fell asleep and started snoring. I so wanted to hold a pillow over his face - his snoring irritated me so much. Instead I got up, and watched crap TV until I was falling asleep.

Then I slept in and ended up being two hours late to work - Doh!

But - Determined to do something about this I rang my Professor, and as Mari said in her comment, he really is one of the very best of doctors. I really don't think I could do better if I tried.

I got through to him straight away and when i told him that we were supposed to babydance on these days but it just wasn't happening, he said that Saturday night was the most important one, so as long as we have that one, we have a chance. I asked him if we could do OI with IUI next cycle and he said he is filling out the forms as we were talking, so if we don't make it this time, we have that to look forward to.

He said that Hubbs would go do a sample, which they would freeze and unfreeze and wash etc at the right time - no pressure on Hubbs at all.

If any of you have done OI with IUI I would love to hear about it.

Hubbs is happy with all I have done, and we had a big discussion about it all last night, and how we both felt when we failed etc. It was really good for both of us.

So Monday night we try again. At 2am I said the famous "just forget it - this is getting ridiculous" and we continued our ritual of him going to sleep and me going to watch crap tv in the loungeroom.

Neither of us have had much sleep over the last few days. We are both exhausted.

I did another blood test today - oestrogen was 553 and Progesterone was 22, so had to go do another HCG booster shot with the GP this afternoon (which thankfully didn't hurt at all). Another blood test on Saturday.

I am expecting nothing out of this cycle. Somehow I don't think I will be disappointed when I get exactly that!

In other news, Oscar goes to get his stitches out tomorrow, Yay, and Maddison is now spending her days outside in the backyard - she just sleeps all day so no harm done. She comes inside at night to sleep. So we are getting there all round.