Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Totally utterly mentally drained

We had our compulsory couples counseling session today. The lady doing it was very nice. But me, being a total emotional freak broke into tiny little pieces when she asked about our fertility history.

When I went through our history, and ended with losing Jayden so recently, she said "That is very recent. It must still be very fresh in your mind". That was the point where I had tears rolling down my face.

Ultimately it was very positive. She said she can tell that Hubbs and I are very close and she feels that communication and support between us both won't be an issue. She was worried though about my obvious grief over our losses. She gave me a bucketload of papers to read, information to help with the grieving process and I guess, to let me know that I am not alone.

She was very enthusiastic about my wonderful online support group (possibly because I don't have any other form of support I guess). So thank you everyone for being there for me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it (buckets and buckets worth!)

She really feels I should chat to "Sands" and wants me to feel free to contact her at any time.

It was only an hour session but I have felt completely and utterly emotionally drained all day.

I went back to work and cried several times. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay. I got told today that there have been rumours about what I am doing, and I think everyone has guessed that we are doing IVF. At this point I don't even care any more. I am past caring who knows. I am just doing my thing and I really don't care who knows or what they think.

I was so glad to come home tonight (especially since Mrs Hugs called me to say Hello).

Oh and a confession:
My name is Bugsy and I haven't done any knitting (not a stitch) in 9 days.


At 2:11 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yikes. What a day. I'm sorry.

I think you are right not to worry about those busybodies at work. Just do your thing.

At 2:23 pm, Blogger Drew said...

Oh Bugsy...I am glad you get to have a chance to talk about the fertility issues - even if it hurts because I find talking and crying quite theraputic at times.

But as for the knitting - OMG! Nine days is a long gap!

Take good care of yourself and Hubs.

At 5:01 pm, Blogger Katt said...

1) I would like to hear yo say "compulsory couples counseling" 3 times real fast.

2) tell everyone work you are secretly an Alien and if they dont leave you alone you will anal probe them

3) KNIT GIRL!! Its relaxing...

4) we are always here for you if you need us. HUGS HUN!!!



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