Monday, February 26, 2007

Coming out into the open

As a pregnant infertile how do you go about coming clean with the people you work with and telling them that you are pregnant?

I am finding this task very difficult. I have hesitated telling anyone at work and the thought of everyone knowing sends me into a spin.

But I am also finding it increasingly difficult to hide.

People have noticed. They have noticed that I appear to be losing weight as my face is thinner but my middle is definately sticking out.

1 person asked me today if I was pregnant. Another just said (with a smile on her face) "so when are you due?"

I asked one person how they knew. They said "you are beginning to show you know"

So the time is drawing near where I have to come clean and tell people I work with that I am pregnant. But as an infertile, who has had three miscarriages, losing Jayden at 12 weeks gestation, and only being 13.5 weeks now, I struggle with coming right out into the open with this.

What happens if the bad stuff happens? How can I face everyone? The less I tell the less I have to face.

I even feel guilty telling anyone about Baby Bugsy (now commonly called "wiggles"). I feel a fraud. Me - Pregnant? Are you serious?

I would love some help in this area if anyone has any ideas. I won't lie if anyone asks me, but I don't feel confident enough to be publicly broadcasting my news.

Definately getting harder to hide though.

The diabetes stuff is okay. I have shot up in a shopping centre, and now at a wedding! It is definately a year of weddings for us. I call it our movie year. At the moment this year consists of 3 weddings, an engagment and a baby! hehe

We went to the loveliest wedding on Saturday - The bride looked divine and the whole wedding was filled with love. Of course, the ceremony stated "may God bless them with children" and I wept at that point hoping that they don't have the troubles we have had. The number of people who asked me if I thought they would try for a baby straight away. I kept saying "please don't put any pressure on them - you never know how hard it is for some people to get pregnant and the last thing they need is pressure". They have the greater pressure of his family. His brother has 5 children - they only have to hold hands and they are expecting again.

I have another wedding next month, and possibly a second one (which may get delayed). Also my youngest niece called on Friday to announce her boyfriend had just proposed to her. She is just 21 but he is a lovely guy and I think they will make a lovely couple.

We are almost at the end of the amazingly crazy thing we are doing that will change our lives forever. Big scary stuff, but hoping we are making all the right decisions. I do hope to share it with you soon.

Hope you are all well. When I get some energy back (isn't that supposed to happen soon?) I will spend more time going through your blogs and commenting. Take care all.

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At 9:46 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe you can say something like.
"Boy wouldn't that be great!?"
And quickly change the subject.
or maybe you can say...
I really would like to keep this quiet until we enter the safe zone.
Good Luck,
My prayers are with you.

At 10:49 pm, Blogger Thalia said...

see the thing is I'm not sure there will ever be a safe zone. I've always found it much easier to tell people, as otherwise how will they know that they need to be extra kind if something goes wrong? But that's just what works for me, bugsy, tell them you just don't want to talk about it yet if that works better for you.

At 10:14 am, Blogger Mother Hoodwink said...

Don't feel pressured in telling anyone. Whenever you're ready will be fine. I know how you feel though. Hours after I got a positive test during my first pregnancy, I told everyone and anyone. The second time around we waited until well into the second trimester.

At 10:41 am, Anonymous Leoni said...

Hi Bugsy,
I told everyone at work that I was PG with Annike (after 3 m/c) when I was 14 weeks and the 12 week scan came back great. Actually I told my best friend and told her to spread the word which she did lol I never felt "safe" or confortable discussing that particular PG, right up till the end I worried something would go wrong. You just need to do what you feel comfortable with, and if that means keeping quiet then that is OK too. Goodluck hun, I think you are doing great.

At 11:16 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bugsy, I know what you're feeling because I struggled with the same thing during my IVF pregnancy. I felt a stragne desperation to keep the news to myself. I think part of me felt that by openly acknowledging it I'd jinx myself but I also felt really uncomfortable at the thought of having to "be" a pregnant woman. After coming to hate the sight of them and dreading any talk of pregnancy and babies it was really hard to open myself up to that - even though I was actually pregnant (very weird...). In the end though I realised that being able to feel simple joy over your pregnancy is one more thing that infertility steals from you. When I first started TTC I looked forward to the excited talk about my pregnancy, to shopping and gossiping and rubbing my belly in public. It made me sad that I wasn't feeling that so I made a concerted effort to try to "get over it" - not for anyone else's sake but for my own. I did eventually make the announcement and people did start talking about the baby and slowly I became more and more comfortable with it and by the end I felt like I was really celebrating the pregnancy. Pregnancy for an infertile is definitely not as simple emotionally as it is for a fertile. The innocence is gone for us but you have to remember that you deserve to enjoy this very hard fought pregnancy. So, my advice would be to take your time and don't pressure yourself to suddenly be like every other pregnant woman. Maybe tell a few people and let the news spread around. Everyone will congratulate you and just see how you feel. I'm sure that as the months go by you'll feel more and more excited and more comfortable with other people being involved in your pregnancy.

On a personal note I just wanted to say how happy I am for you. I've been reading you for years but haven't commented before now because I was in your original EB "Due in Feb 06" group and felt so sad for you when you lost your baby. I'm just so, so pleased that you are finally on the way to meeting your first child and I can't wait to read about your joy.

All the best, Amy

At 12:18 pm, Anonymous jac said...

hey Bugsy

When I was pregnant with Katie (after 3 m/c) I told my boss at 14 weeks. Those very important people to me already knew and those who didn't really need to know only got told if they asked. I never lied even before 12 weeks. I know it feels weird telling people because you think you may jinx things but people will know eventually. It is funny because there is someone I wasnt to let know about this pg but keep holding out until after then next scan just to make sure. I will prob tell them today after my NT this arvo.

Another thing I did was just smile and let them take from that whatever they wanted, generally they would then just flat out ask.

Good luck with telling people. I did find though once it was out there it was easier and more enjoyable and more real.

Thiinking of you always

At 1:00 pm, Blogger Katt said...

Put a letter on the notice board at work ;)

Oh oh!! Or send an email memo!!

No seriously..Dont tell them anything. Let them work it out for themselves. If they are too stupid to notice you look pregnant then do they really deserve to be told? And if enough people guess it will start spreading around anyway.


At 5:34 pm, Anonymous Shawnee said...

I would just tell your boss and those that are important or somewhat close to you. Word will eventually get around whether you would like it to or not. This way though your chances of being bombarded will be less likely because there is always that one big mouth at work anyway who will let everyone know.

At 12:16 am, Blogger leonie said...

Hi Sweetie
I have finally got on here to have a look and see your good news. I hope you are feeling well. I still want to meet up when I come to town soon. I will email you.
From Leonie

At 2:44 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there Bugs

Just did a search for you on EB to see how you aer going and discovered the fantastic news! I am so thrilled for you!! You are often in my thougths and prayers and I am delighted to hear that you are "cautiously expecting" With regards to work...just let the office grapevine do its thing...that way it doesn't have to become a great big announcement...the people that know you well and know what you have been going through will know how to react.

HUgs and best wishes

At 5:22 pm, Anonymous seepi said...

don't feel you have to tell them anything. I persistently wore baggy black clothes and said nothing til 20 weeks. a couple of people had guessed, but they didn't say anything. don't worry - you will feel more comfortable with it as time goes on.

At 9:14 am, Anonymous Leoni said...

HAPPY 14 weeks!!! OMG you are 14 weeks :-O
Doing happy dance for you :-)

Leoni (EB)


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