Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The wounds that cut so deep

What deep wounds ever closed without a scar? - Lord Byron

Normal results. I spoke to the doc today and he told me to go "forth and procreate" and come back to see him when we are 7 weeks pregnant. I guess he forgot that it isn't that easy for us to get pregnant. Never mind. It just means I get the chance to leave his uhum.... "care" and hopefully never return (well not to him but hopefully to a different OB sometime in the future).

He kindly faxed me my results, so armed with these I plan to go visit my faithful professor and see what shining rays of hope he can give us, if he can. Apparently this was just another case of "bad luck". Surely 3 times in a row is considered something more than just bad luck. Perhaps that is just me.

Part of me begins hyperventilating when I think about being pregnant again. Part of me says just to not think about it and try again, and cope with a pregnancy if\when one eventuates again. Part of me says to give up now before my heart is shattered any further.

I don't know which part to listen to.


At 12:05 am, Blogger J said...

Hey Bugsy-
I have been following your journey...and I wish you the best as you continue on the journey to motherhood. I haven't followed from the begining, and so I don't know how much testing you've had, but just in case you've not been yet - ask your doc for a blood screen of the clotting factors, keeping specific look-out for MTHFR. This "disorder" is often times mild but causes blood clots, which in turn can cause miscarriage. Often times it can be treated with something as simple as baby asprin.

If you've already done this testing, I apologize for my intrusion - if not.....It's something to consider.

Again...I'll be following along, and rooting for both you and Hubs.

Best of luck

At 2:24 am, Blogger Kris said...

Oh, I hate it when all the parts of me don't agree on what to feel. I'm sorry about your "bad luck". The news that things are normal always seems like a mixed blessing to me... it's great that nothing is wrong, but on the other hand, if nothing is wrong, what the heck is the problem? How do you fix something when you don't know what to fix? Good luck with whatever you decide.

At 4:53 am, Anonymous JMW said...

Hello Bugsy, I have been following your journey for a while now. I too have had two early m/c. It must be unbelievably frustrating to hear "there is nothing wrong with you" when you have been through so much grief and disappointment.

This may be an ignorant comment, but just in case you haven't already checked into it, I'm giving you this url for some info about thyroid autoimmunity. I have that, and while I don't know if it caused my miscarriages, at least I know it's being treated now. This blogger also had 3 early m/c before giving birth to a healthy baby.


Good luck!

At 1:04 pm, Blogger Mari said...

Hi Bugsy - I had the same thing said to me as well...you are both normal and sorry for the 'bad luck' with your 3 miscarriages...and you could almost hear the "Chin up, keep trying...it will happen" words coming from their mouths.

If you feel that your heart can't take it anymore then that is how you feel and you are allowed to feel that way. For us we gave ourselves a date, actually more like a timeframe to give as much ago as I could...it was 5 years...it took us 3 years. In that time though I needed to take a break as I too could not handle the pain of another miscarriage.

Part of me wants to say...don't give up, keep the faith and it will happen, but then part of me knows your pain and can totally relate to how you are feeling.

I'm sorry that I have not really been here to support your through this really rough time...but I do check up on you and think about you often.


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